Suffocate

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That feeling like you might suffocate

When you wonder about the purpose of your life.

Are you doing the right thing? 

Or is it all just a charade? 

What if you never make a difference in anyone's life? 

What if you never make anyone's life better? 

What if you never accomplish anything of great worth? 

Strong

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She didn't think that she was strong

Until she realized that it was her tears that made her so

The pain that she felt gave her power

And through her struggle, she would change the world

Hero

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She needed a hero, 

so through God's grace that's what she became. 

Fake

I don't care what you call it, honey
If your actions don't prove it
Everything you say is fake.

This Fear within Me

Please go read this post by Candace.

I can't tell you the number of times I've felt this way.

My words are meaningless. I post my thoughts but they are just rambles.

Most of the time I don't even take the time to edit them. The words fly off my fingers and onto the page and they are there forever.

My mind is like a trap. It takes words, phrases that I read, hear or see and pieces them together into incoherent phrases and paragraphs.

Half of the time I feel guilty for even having a blog at all because I feel like if anyone takes the time to read it - it will just be a waste of their time.

I read through old posts and contemplate deleting them. Sometimes I do. But sometimes I just leave them and shake my head.

There aren't many things I'm afraid of. One of them is water. But probably even more so than that is oblivion.

I'm so afraid that people won't remember me.

That I won't make a difference.

That I won't save anyone's life.

I'm afraid that I will spend my life chasing a dream that will make me feel good, but accomplish nothing.

I'm afraid that I won't be a hero.

I'm afraid that I won't get to help anyone.

Truth is, I love superhero movies. I love the strength and the honor that they portray. But I'm afraid - terrified - that when my time comes, I won't be strong enough or honorable enough. Or even worse - that my time will never come. That I'll live an uneventful life in the comfort of my home. Never strong enough or brave enough to risk it all and save someone's life.

I'm also afraid of being a cheap copy.

All my life, I've striven to be an original.

Even as a teen, I never wanted to be like the crowd. I wanted to stand out. To be better.

But what if I'm not?

I can't stop there. I can't live in fear.

There is One who loves me more than I can ever imagine. He will give me strength to fight the battles. He will prepare me and give me His grace. He has a plan for me, and if I let Him, He will use me to make a difference. And for that, I'm eternally grateful.

Candace, I couldn't comment on your post, but it made me cry because it is exactly how I've felt time and time again and I am so grateful that you wrote it and I just wanted to let you know. You're not alone.

Brave

I'm not brave enough

To show my heart

To let them get too close

How is it so easy for others?

I've always admired them

And wished I could do what they do

Wished that I were that brave

To let them see me

To be a friend

Regrets swarm me

All night

But there is One that sees my heart

He understands me and cares about me

Even when I can't understand myself

(Guest Post) Community Bible Studies

Hello dear readers! 

I apologize for being so quiet lately....Things have been slightly crazy and I feel like I'm behind in everything and probably the most stressed I've ever been in my life. lol and I usually don't get stressed out too easily. (You all can pray for my continued sanity and that things start moving along better if you would like ;) ) 

Anyway, the lovely Sophia from Someplace in the Midst wrote this amazing guest post for me and I am so, so appreciative. You all should check out her incredible blog right now! Thank you Sophia!

xx Lorraine

About this time last year, my family and another one decided to start a community group Bible study. A community group Bible study is basically just a group that meets to have a Bible study. Our church had been encouraging these groups to start, and so we decided to jump on in and wing it.

Well, not really wing it. We got a list of people who live in our "neighborhood" and go to our church and then emailed them and set up a time to meet and fellowship and discuss starting a community group Bible study. (We don't really live in a neighborhood, so it was basically just all the people who live on our side of town.)

Pretty soon we were meeting bi-monthly, sharing a meal potluck style and then discussing Sunday's sermon, and then ending with prayer requests and and prayer.

Simple, but so effective.
Here's why intentional community is so important.

1. It's modeled from the early church.
I like to think that the apostles shared meals and discussed scripture somewhat like how we do it now. :)

2. It's multi-generational.
The only general similarity about our  community bible study is that we all live in the same part of town. We have young and old, and this leads to certainly interesting conversations.

3. It goes deeper than Sunday School.
I can't really explain it, but our little group shares a bond that's really strong. We've shared so much of our lives in this past year, it's really quite great.

4. It's encouraging.
Obviously, there might be "funner" ways to spend Friday night, but by recharging and preparing for the weekend, it is so much more than just fun. We laugh, we cry, we encourage each other.

5. It's challenging.
Our pastors preach great sermons. But the hard part is actually living out what we're hearing and learning. By meeting with our community group, we are challenging ourselves further to walk the talk.

So that's why I think a community Bible study is so great! Are you part of a Bible study? Do you have other ways of having fellowship and community? If you have any questions about starting, you can contact me on my blog at someplaceinthemidst.blogspot.com.

Pride

my heart was so high as i looked all around
the thoughts in my mind
of comparisons that should never be made
i felt like i could do this all on my own
i felt like i was more qualified than anyone else
but my lessons weren't over
in fact, i would soon learn
that i needed them now more than ever
because i am as nothing
when i look around and
i see the stars and
feel the beating of a new little heart
miracles all around me and who am i
to think that i can do this
all by myself
only by God's mercy and strength
will i ever make a difference
for i am not qualified
except through His blessing
i must trust in His grace
and on myself no longer rely

They Made Me Feel

There are some moments
I very distinctly remember from my past
Moments of triumph and failure
Moments that are burned in my mind forever

"Why are you so quiet?"
"We're just making her bored."
Their (albeit playful) disdainful words
Cut through me like a sharp knife
As if I wasn't already painfully aware

Their words made me feel 
like I was an estranged alien that would never make friends.

"You'll never know how much this means to me."
She whispers as tears stream down her cheeks
But the look in her eyes makes it perfectly clear
No question left in my mind.

Her actions made me feel
Like the biggest hero that ever existed. 

"Sorry" I murmured
After accidentally brushing past her
A derisive glance and rolled eyes in my direction
Fulfilled their job and
Quickly reduced me into a pile of ashes

Her actions made me feel 
Like I was a worthless waste.

"You're the nicest girl I've ever met."
Seven words scrawled by a young boy
That went to a camp with me
I shamefully recalled thinking that
He was one of the most annoying boys I'd ever met
Thankfully, a fact that my eight-year-old mind had kept to itself

His words made me feel
like I was worth a million dollars. 

Soon

Things I am looking forward to:

Feeling the warmth of the sun caressing my cheeks

The gentle breeze glide over my skin

The way the soil crumbles between my fingers

The earthy smell of new life and growth

The cheerful melody of songbirds 

The dewy grass beneath my bare feet

The quiet solitude of the forest in spring

The shy new kittens trying to figure out what you are

The bold vision of flowers radiating their simple and elegant beauty

I love all the seasons, but the promise of spring is so breath-taking

Promise of warmth and hope and new life

Promise of summer and barefoot freedom and color

Time spent with friends, and parties and celebrations

Soon. In the very near future.