Sunday, December 31, 2017

Murals Don't Need Microscopes


an ocean surrounded me
with its depth of bitterness;
this telescope betrayed me
revealing all your flaws
and swaying all these sentiments.

i wearied myself trying to change
the direction of the wind
trying to rearrange the dust
of our emotions and reactions
with this ocular.

but in the process i lost myself
and was found by Him.
and after it all, i trusted again;
because no one paints a mural
using a microscope.

so let the wind blow where it will blow.
and let the dust settle where it will settle.
because in the end, love,
all we have is each other
and the idea of being free.

Monday, November 20, 2017

Tried to Forget You


these words are lost in time
their echos fill the lonely spaces
in between the moments
where our souls kept their distance.
and so i whispered to the moon
and she covered me with her radiance
while i wept these bitter hues
and tried to desperately forget you.

Lost with My Heartbeats


these emotions are slipping
through my fingers
filling my heart with sludge
and painting my brain in wild hues.
i wish i could remember
how your face looked that night
and the expression that filled your eyes.
but it's all gone,
leaving behind a ghost of feelings,
and skeletons of thoughts
in my dusty mind.
those moments are fading
like undeveloped film
and the colors of my emotions
were lost with my heartbeats.

Reflections Broken in the Ripples


this moment is beautiful,
awestruck before us.
we capture the memory
even as we watch it shatter,
our reflections broken in the ripples.
and it doesn't feel like this
was made to last
but i take a breath
and plunge into the peaceful waters -
once more.
because when this moment is gone,
i will only regret
not allowing myself to feel it.
not being submersed in these wild waters -
that will either fill me with exhilaration
or take me down.

Saturday, October 28, 2017

Haunting Regret


the moon was shining,
streaming through the fog
just like your tenderness
was breaking through my confusion.
i felt the grass under my feet
soft and tender -
but still less green
than my bleeding heart.
i looked into your eyes
and saw the scars on your soul.
but, love, did you even look into mine?
because if you did -
you would have seen the pain
cascading through my veins.
but those words -
i would try to take back,
if the universe would pity my plight.
because they chase me still
with their haunting regret
and i try to forgive myself,
and i try not to take flight.

Friday, October 27, 2017

Stuck in Reality


all i wish
is that life wouldn't be so complicated
and love wouldn't be so hard.
that childhood dreams
would never go unfulfilled.
that romance was easier in life
than it was in our heads.
and that falling in love
would never fill us with dread.
why can't two people click
even when they've run out of friends?
and why do we fail to understand
those with whom we are committed?
why do tears come at such a high cost
and how do they sear our souls?
why can't we all just live in peace
and forgive others of their battles?
maybe one day we grew weary of the hope.
perhaps we no longer are the dreamers.

Monday, October 9, 2017

I Wasn't Looking


i wandered along without a care
when you came along with your little affair.
i didn't see you coming, love
because i wasn't looking for a glove.
but somehow i tried you on
and in an instant you were gone.
but your memory was left
and now all i feel is bereft -
of dreams that i never dreamed
and all the moments that went unredeemed.
i wasn't looking for this
i wasn't ready for bliss.
and now all i can do is miss
the way that you kiss.

Sunday, October 1, 2017

Better than Dreams


imagination failed me
it was better than i realized
and worse than i had hoped.
those dreams of yesterday
seem dull and lifeless now.
tossed aside for better things.
because imagination
will never overcome sensation.
and dreams are only good
before the goal is met.
and no one could ever tell you
how beautiful life is
until they've lived in the present moment.
until they've done things that they regret.

In the Dark


i felt the door before me open
although my eyes were closed.
i have never been more aware
of your presence than in the dark.
my mind failed me once again
when my senses took over
but i was never more aware
of this moment than in the dark.
i took a step forward
and fell in the dark
and if i could do it over,
i would be a better person
but it would still be in the dark.

Sunday, September 10, 2017

Dreaming with Our Eyes Open


the breeze hit me with a thousand memories
the way we soaked in the silence of the sunshine
the way our eyes sparkled as we talked about tomorrows
the way the earth spun by us
we were careless in the moment
the world was before us
and we didn't try to foretell it
but we dreamed with our eyes wide open.

i walked in and the air felt like listening to you
make up songs on the piano
and laughing about my freshman year
having endless conversations about everything and nothing
sending texts that have long since been deleted.

the room smells like secrets kept forever,
a million broken promises,
and tears that no one else understands.
my window is open like it was that day
with the sun dancing on the floor,
and i watch the flowers bobbing cordially in the breeze.

i felt like i was 16 again
watching the leaves blow off the trees
and wondering where in the world
you are now and what you're doing
and if anything ever reminds you of me.

because i miss the days
when we dreamed with our eyes wide open.

Thursday, August 31, 2017

A Guiding Star


there was a star along her path
shining so brightly in the night
that she mistook it for the sun
and followed it a little ways,
until the path grew brighter.
regret filled a moment
but then she realized
that without the star that wasn't hers
without the pain she had to bear
without the detour that took her time
she never would have found the right path
or seen the sun, or felt the shine of better days.

Locked Door


i wanted to open the door
dark, it stood before me
and i knew it wasn't mine
but why was it before me?
i begged to open it, to catch a glimpse
but my hand was stayed
my spirit checked and waiting
i stood silently watching
and then the door was gone
as mysteriously as it had appeared
and i wondered at the moment
at why i was given a closed and locked door
and when the next door opened
i knew the answers all at once.

Tuesday, August 15, 2017

You Think


you think you know me,
but you've never asked the questions.
you think you see my heart,
but you've never even heard it beat.
you think you understand,
but let me tell you, love
you never will
[until you show that you care]

Sunday, August 13, 2017

Sparks of Hate


After some of the horrific reports that have been filling the news lately, I've been thinking....about a lot of things. 

First of all, there is so much hate in the world today; it's all around us. There is no excuse for it. It is something that cannot be tolerated because it will consume us. Ferguson. Orlando. Charlottesville. This hatred is destructive and fatal.

Hate spreads like wildfire and burns all that it touches. One spark can ravage an entire forest - one hate-filled word can ruin a friendship, one hate-filled moment can destroy a life, and one hate-filled person can devastate a nation. A wildfire won't die if you ignore it - at least not until it has destroyed everything in its path. Likewise, we cannot ignore hate. There are a lot of sparks in this world, and if we don't do something they will prevail.

Love is the only answer. 

That sounds beautiful, doesn't it? Well, it's not always. Love is hard. Hate is the easy way out. Love doesn't always look pretty - sometimes love is dressed in work pants and drenched with sweat. Sometimes love is standing in the line of fire, getting bullied and hurt so others don't have to stand alone. Sometimes love is a sleepless night to help a friend. Always, love is a broken heart from the hurts of this world. Love is caring, when you don't always know the words to say, or even how to help, and it hurts. But it's the only thing that will put out these wildfires of hate. 

Yeah, sometimes it can seem hopeless. 

But that's because we're focusing on the wrong things. We're focusing on the hate that we see - whether it's on the news or in our personal lives. But that's the best way to get burned. There is love in the world; in fact, it's all around us too. And to the onlooker, it is beautiful. So if you haven't, start looking for it. And put on your fire-fighting clothes and start loving with all the dirt, sweat and tears you got!

One last thing.... below are some of my ramblings about how current events can affect us. We listen to news that is exciting, that has a shock value. And sometimes our minds can become trained to look for that shock-value in our everyday life until we make ourselves sick with anxiety and depression. We long for the good old days, when things were better. But maybe they weren't so much better then. Maybe our focus was just different, and we didn't have so many expectations. So it also has a little bit of a challenge in it... To focus on the good, because every thing, every day, every person has some good - and that is beautiful. And also, to let go of your expectations and be fully present in this moment. Because that, darling, is the only way you'll ever be able to find the good and see the beauty of this life. 

love and peace, from a girl who's just a dreamer. 

we long for excitement.
/something new.
/something to change our minds.
/something to consume us.
we search for answers
/in places they will never be found.
we place our value in shock.
with nostalgia for the good old days.
we're desperate for beauty.
/weary from these expectations.
because reality always burns us.
and there are no more places to hide.

but what if we have it all wrong, love?
what if the beauty is here, right in front of us?
what if real value is what we make it
and these are the good days?
what if the answers are hidden in plain sight?
and all we need to do to change our minds
is burn these expectations
and consume ourselves with reality?

Pretend to Be Good


wolves in sheep's clothing.
whited sepulchers filled with dead men's bones.
these were the people He did not tolerate.
the people that point fingers
and pretend to be good.
it was the sinners He called.
it was the sinners He chose.
and now we have been warned.
because your reputation preceded you,
but we chose not to believe it.
and now the mask is off
your true colors are showing.
and we shouldn't be shocked
but somehow we are.

Monday, August 7, 2017

Fading into Tomorrow


these memories haunt my dreams
these moments eclipse my thoughts
overpowering and overwhelming
yet so vague and still unformed
like a vapor they avoid collision
like a haze in my mind lingering in time
i take this breath and i savor its feeling
i cannot depend on its unsteady promise
this is my moment and its fading into tomorrow
these dreams are demanding my presence
when i have no more time to borrow
the clock on the wall taunts me with his hands
and these lungs don't want to expand any more
because the fog in my mind is stronger than confusion
and i realize that accomplishments no longer matter
so for this moment i cling to His promise
that life is love and everything that's in it.

Saving Words


these words float past me like a dream
i stop and reach for them in this moment
and a few i catch and a few i keep
saving them in this jar for a rainy day
and when the lights are off at night
they light up my room with an effervescent glow.

Saturday, August 5, 2017

Sunlight in the Mornings


i felt the rain against my back
tasted the darkness as it engulfed me
sensed the pressure of the rising current
the oscillation of the recent thunder
the pain of the clouds above me
but through it all, i felt Your hand.
Your gentle, guiding touch.
and Your peace that i cannot understand.
and as the daylight dances around me
i cannot breathe for awe and wonder
because i see them there -
my enemies behind me -
and the bridges You burned,
i see it was for my good.
and through the pain,
i see the blessing.
and i thank You
for sunlight in the mornings.

Thursday, July 6, 2017

All That's Left


this moment is slipping
out of my hands, love
and i'm trying to stop it
trying to glue it in place
with my tears, sweat and blood
but i feel it, like a rope
tossed out as a lifeline
and with each strand,
leaves a little bit of hope
leaves a little bit of love
until these dreams lie lifeless
at my feet and all that's left
are these cascading tears
and a lonely catch in my breath.

Friday, June 30, 2017



the world is a blur as i try to take this in
everything else fades out as i try to comprehend
i thought i understood you
i don't know what changed.
all i know is that it did.
and now i feel like i'm sinking
desperately trying to tread this water
but you won't give me any air
and i've wasted too many tears.
i can feel the time escaping,
but i'm too numb to stop it.
and you're making me feel like this was my fault.
i give to you, and i never take.
because you never offer anything but heartbreak.

Wednesday, June 28, 2017

For Awhile


i'm giving up these dreams.
i'm throwing away these hopes.
because i didn't realize until now
that they were all trash.
how could i be so blinded?
who gave me these rose colored glasses?
because you're never who i thought you were.
but you were good at faking it
for awhile. 

Stop Pretending


we take our bows through the applause
the play is over and it is time.
time to remove the masks.
but why is it so hard?
why would we rather hide
than show them who we are?
why would we rather pretend
than write our own scripts?
it's time to stop this madness.
it's time to be true. be real.
watch me take off my mask, love.

Tuesday, June 27, 2017



i was innocent then
i was blind and naive
my heart was pure back then
my intentions were filled with love
and i thought yours were the same
but i got too close to the flame
and now you burned me, love.
i would have given you anything
i would have given my all.
but instead i fell shattered on the floor
and clung to the pain as you sliced through my heart.

Memories in the Walls


these walls are filled with memories.
moments etched in time
and forever saved in my mind.
the silence of this hour
makes them scream even louder.
until everything is painted by nostalgia. 

this room cannot be forgotten.
even when you aren't here
it is filled with your presence.
and i can still feel your gaze
through time's stubborn haze.
and for a moment, i forget. 

this place will forever be unchanged
because in my mind,
i'm going back in time.
reliving those moments that made me cry.
and wishing i could redo it all, with a sigh.
because time changes everything, love.

the world is spinning slowly, dear.
and the conversations that replay
make the night seem like day
because your laughter is still in my ears
and your smile is all i can hear.
these memories leave no room for fear.



when the fire was out -
i didn't recognize you.
you no longer knew me.
and it made me wonder
if it was even real, love.
it made me question
our moment of reality.
are all connections destined to be fake?
must all our bridges eventually be burnt?
where did i mess it up?
let me take all the blame, love.
because i can't cause you any more pain.
i can't cause you any more pain.



the moon gave us no light
and the stars hid themselves in fear
at the brilliance of our love
at the way our hearts caught fire.
i looked at you and felt the pain in your chest.
i glanced away from the hurt swimming in your eyes;
but i could not hide from it, love.
because even when we are apart,
i am aware of your essence.
i wanted to cry, i wanted to scream.
and you did too, it was written in your voice.
etched in the tightness of your throat.
thinly veiled in the softness of your murmur.
but you didn't. and i didn't.
we just stood there in silence.
with our hearts embracing.
in an empty room.
while the world spun recklessly by us.

Monday, June 19, 2017

Be Soft


be soft
she whispered
be soft
she held my gaze
and for the first time,
i understood.
for the first time
it all made sense.
if that's the only thing you learn in life, love,
be soft;
be ever so soft.
even when you feel the pain stabbing you
and you want to grab your knife too
be soft, my love
just be soft.

Tuesday, June 13, 2017

Lightning or Rain


your words were like hail
leaving marks on my soul.
your words were unedited, unminced and obvious.
like thunder in the distance,
you thought they would not touch me
but you forgot that thunder is created by lightning,
and lightning burns all it touches, love.

and when the bolt hit me,
my soul absorbed its energy
(in an attempt to survive)
but now,
your voice is stuck inside my head
and all i can hear is
you'll never be good enough.


your words were like rain
with the sun shining through
washing my soul, bringing life to my wilting mind.
like a shower in the springtime,
you had no idea the strength they would provide.

and when the storm was over,
your kindness was what refreshed me.
and now your words are in my head
and i took the time to save them
like raindrops in a jar,
because rain is the only thing 
that can dampen the sting of lightning.  


are you the lightning or the rain
in someone else's day?

Saturday, May 27, 2017

Lost Vision

This isn't a poem. This isn't make believe.
This post will be real and raw and full of questions.
Consider yourself warned.

i'm thinking about taking a break from blogging. or maybe even deleting my blog. idk, i just feel like i've lost my vision. i want to share beauty. so much of life, i view in awe and wonder. i believe that life is art, and there is so much beauty around us, just waiting to be discovered. my goal in starting this blog was to help people see the world differently, but i don't really feel like i'm doing that, and so it's time to reevaluate.

some days it feels like i'm writing to the blank wall of hyperspace. other days, i share with people in real life and they either don't react or misunderstand. people have a horrible tendency to take everything at face value. i write nothing at face value. i use the endearment "love" and my friends assume i have a romantic interest. i write about love in a general, vague sense of loving everyone or loving your friend or loving the stray cat you found. and people automatically interpret love as romance. yes,  loving that stray cat can be romantic. watching the sunset alone is romantic. everything in life can be romantic when you have the right mind set. when you look at the world in color instead of black and white. it doesn't mean i'm hopelessly in love with some boy. it means i'm in love with life. hopefully, fantastically, beautifully.

and all i wish is that you, my friend, could see so much beauty too. that you could stop being so scared of every single emotion and just embrace life and live it in it's entirety.

but i'm not getting that point across somehow. it's all lost in translation. and i'm not sure why or how... so i'm ready to give it all up, to quit trying. if you have any insight, any suggestions for me to improve my style or what i'm doing wrong here, i would appreciate hearing them.

that's all.
rant over.
thanks for listening.

love and peace always.

Flawless Imperfections


i wandered alone in my travels
with stardust illuminating my nights
the beauty of a thousand horizons
and all of them out of sight
i fell in love with a stranger
and with all the world around me
our flawless imperfections
our love for all things bright
i dreamed a million dreams in a moment
and all of them came true
and, love, when i look at you
i know so much more than i knew
and these wishes are enough to scare you
but for me, they never do
because love overcomes all fear
and i wish you would experience that too, my dear.

love yourself.
and if you need to, change yourself. 
then, i promise, the rest will follow.
because life is beautiful and hard 
and love is the only thing that matters.



i realized i never loved you
i loved the person you made me become

Sunday, May 21, 2017

Me Too

i hear your words
i feel your presence 
as if you were here right now
these emotions are unsteady
and sometimes i forget 
that i need to breathe
but, love, you're always there
with soft words 
with flawless advice
and i marvel at the details
you never overlook
and i just want to tell you
i could talk to you all day
but i think my eyes already did
and i think yours whispered back 
me too. 

Sunday, May 7, 2017



these thoughts need pruning
like an overgrown forest
they have overtaken my mind
becoming so entangled and entwined
that i cannot for the life of me figure out
where the roots are coming from
and who planted these seeds -
was it me, or you, or him, or her?
seeds of doubt and love and fear and hope.
and this forest is weary
because now the sun can't shine through
and all we can do is overthink it all

Now I'll Forget


i forgot about your faults, love
and now i will forget about your strengths too
until you are just a faceless name
that i used to know. 

Saturday, May 6, 2017

Building Trust


i want to trust you, love
but if you
shatter my heart
i'm not sure if i'll ever recover.

so please, tell me the truth
even if it hurts
tell me the things you don't want me to know
if i hear them from you,
i'll know i can trust you
and i'm good at forgiveness
but not so much trusting, love.

Thursday, May 4, 2017



you hurt me without trying
my pain doesn't even make you flinch
and i have so many scars, love
but why do i find them so beautiful?



all i could hear was the softness in your voice
the hesitation in your expression
the way you tried to hide
yourself from me
but i knew why
i felt your pain in my heart
i didn't say a word
and when i was kind again
your fire reignited
and i cried that i ever made you put it out.

Tuesday, May 2, 2017

I Needed You


all along i never knew
i needed someone
to crack through these walls
someone to help me
even when i don't want it
i hate advice
but yours is always perfect, love
i am strong and independent
until you are around
and i've never minded being blind
until you helped me see
and now the world is different
and now so much is changing
and i have a million things to say
but you're gonna have to read between the lines
you're gonna have to read my mind.

Monday, May 1, 2017



he looked at her with sadness in his eyes
and she whispered in the silence
i need to figure myself out
before i spend time 
trying to figure someone else out. 
then she turned and walked away
while silent tears made rivers
on her pale cheeks in the moonlight.

Hardest Thing


it's the hardest thing in the world, love
to act like everything is normal
when your heart is bleeding out.

Saturday, April 29, 2017


beyond the mountains 
we spied a tempest 
rising from the deep unknown
and i ran to the horizon
i prayed for rain to come
rain to wash me
rain to change me
but the clouds held their lightning
the rain forgot to fall
and for a moment the darkness lingered 
more than i could bear
and as i struggled with the waiting
a single drop fell on my lips
i tasted the beauty that was coming
and i prayed again
for rain to come

i am sick of waiting 
to make these changes. 


i'm slowly learning this virtue
you move so carefully
and i feel like i'm waiting here forever
while you uncover your beating heart
and some days it's all i can do
to just breathe
and hope for you

but you need patience with me too
because i'm changing
on the inside
i'll always be the same
but i'm still chipping away
this residue of rust
so just have patience in this process
and give me a little of your trust

what's meant to be
and what will be
are the same eventually

Sunday, April 23, 2017

What Does It Mean?


these thoughts are elusive
they pass me by like stardust in the night
dreams that never quite form
sounds that are never fully spoken
i feel these emotions
vague and unpredictable
and i'm never aware of them.
i write these words
but they have no meaning at all.
or do they, somewhere to someone?
tell me your thoughts, darling
so i can misunderstand them.
share your secrets and i'll tell the world.
and you laugh because it's silly
but maybe it's not a joke at all, love.

maybe these empty expressions
are just to fill the void of space
and overcrowd my blank mind.



a bill of divorcement is coming, love
i am demanding my copy
but in my mind
we were never married
because how can you be
when your lover doesn't love you?

don't tell me that i haven't given this a shot
i gave it my all
i showed up to every date
and i was always on time, love
but you were always late
and you never even glanced at me as you ate.

and now you expect me to stay,
and you'll judge me when i leave
because i've seen you do it to your exes
but how can i stay with this silence
and how can i love you
when you don't even see me?

Expected Too Much


i wanted more than you could give
i expected too much from you
like a pregnancy test gone wrong
my expectations turned to nothing
and as the dreams that i dreamed
faded into the night
forgotten again
i realized that you were never capable
of the things that i wanted.

Friday, April 21, 2017

Unlocked & Open


you're acing this quiz, babe
and it kind of scares me
because for a moment i thought
my thoughts were written on a poster
and no longer hidden from the world
but then i realized
it's just you that can read me
your eyes can see these secret thoughts
because we have a connection
and i am no longer scared
because if there's anyone who will love me
despite the cobwebs in my mind
it is you, love.

and so i leave the door unlocked and open.

Thursday, April 20, 2017

Change is Coming


change is coming
there's a storm on the horizon, love
but i see beyond it
a beautiful new dawn
an age of love and glory
an age without fear or worry
and so we brace for the battle
and i cry for a moment
for the things that i will lose.

it will all be worth it in the end, love. 

Your Judgment


your judgment made me feel small
the unspoken words that hid in your eyes
and spilled over into your expression
i don't understand you, dear
and some days it feels that we speak foreign languages
you're kind to everyone
except me
and i don't understand
where this tension is coming from
but you've hurt me, love
you've hurt me in a million little ways.

and i thought we could be friends. 

Wednesday, April 19, 2017

You Led Me


You've led me here
bringing me from darkness into light
the world has opened up to me
with Your flawless touch
and i thank You, Lord
for letting me see the beauty
of each moment
for guiding me to Your perfect love
that casts out all fear and judgment
that colors over the prejudice
of black and white
in beautiful, breathtaking hues.

Immortal Wound


in my mind, you were still that sweet, innocent girl
i loved you, dear
more than my own soul
and my heart felt your hurts
i made your pain my own
because i cared
and i thought that if i showed you my heart
we would be closer
i thought i would take a chance
and trust you
even though you've never trusted me
(that should have been my warning)
now my heart is shattered
and even though the secrets i shared with you
were temporary and now do not exist
the scars that you've carved into my heart
will last for eternity
and i've never felt this much pain.

lost love may hurt for a moment,
but the knife of your own flesh and blood
will leave an immortal and fatal wound.