All

Surely, Darling,

You must know //

That it was all

// it was all for you.

Blogoversary

Guess what? This blog is now 1 year old! I really can't believe how far I've come in one year. I never would have guessed all the changes I have made (name change & multiple designs), all the posts I have written (70 total), and most of all the friends that I've made! There are 32 of you now which just blows my mind because you all are amazing and I love you all. I really can't believe that there are 32 people out there who like my writing enough to read my blog. Thank you so much for reading my ramblings and taking the time to comment and get to know me. It means the world to me.

To celebrate, I thought I'd do a little bit more of a personal post so you all can get a glimpse into my life.

• Song Obsession - Shatter Me and pretty much every Lindsey Stirling song
• Ice-cream preference - Vanilla all the way, not a huge chocolate fan
• Musical instrument - I play the piano and love to sing as long as no one is around to hear me.
• Favorite season - Fall is definitely my favorite season. I absolutely love the colors and usually the weather is perfect. 
• Favorite sandwich - peanut butter and jelly all the way
• Siblings - I have 2 younger siblings - a sister and a brother. We've always been really close. In fact, supposedly after my sister was born (I was 2), I thought she was my doll and didn't want to stop holding her (as apposed to the typical oldest child response to a new sibling lol). Also, my mom miscarried triplets when I was about a year old. I've always dreamed of how fun that would be, to have triplet siblings ;) 
• Projects - I am a huge procrastinator and tend to do everything at the last minute. 
• Pets - I have a dog named Eugene, but I had to leave him with my parents since I'm at school and work all day. I would say I am a cat person at heart and can totally see myself becoming a crazy cat lady someday. 
• Sports - I am a huge football fan - especially of the Indianapolis Colts.
• College - I am currently completing my dietetic internship and Master's degree in pediatric nutrition and will HOPEFULLY be done by August :)
• Children - I have always wanted to have lots of kids. Like at least 10. idk :)
• Travel - I've been to 38 states and been to Alaska twice. The first time was on a cruise with my dear grandmother and the second time was in the dead of winter with my family to see the northern lights. I absolutely loved both times. However, I could never live in Alaska. 
• Language - I know Spanish and would love to serve on the mission field in a Spanish-speaking country someday. 
• Name - I was named after my great grandmother - Lorraine - she died when she was pretty young from cancer, but was very sweet and loved by everyone that knew her. 
• Movie - my favorite movie is probably The Amazing Spiderman, I also love Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, Chronicles of Narnia, Pride and Prejudice, and most other Marvel superhero movies. 
• Random talents - I was very involved in 4-H as a child and took over 100 projects, including dozens of food projects (baking, preservation, dairy, bake with a mix, and even microwave), sewing, genealogy, photography, painting, computer, scrapbooking, woodworking, and even small engines (I overhauled a snowmobile engine, and yes I was the only girl and I won 2nd place). 
• Room - my room/house/desk are almost always extremely organized. I can't concentrate or work if things around me are messy or out of place. 

Well, this ended up longer than I anticipated, but I had fun doing it. I got all these questions off another site, but I think it would be fun to answer questions that you all come up with! Is that something you all would be interested in? :) Well, if it is please comment with a question or two or more below and I'll reply :)

Suffocate

via

That feeling like you might suffocate

When you wonder about the purpose of your life.

Are you doing the right thing? 

Or is it all just a charade? 

What if you never make a difference in anyone's life? 

What if you never make anyone's life better? 

What if you never accomplish anything of great worth? 

Strong

via

She didn't think that she was strong

Until she realized that it was her tears that made her so

The pain that she felt gave her power

And through her struggle, she would change the world

Hero

via

She needed a hero, 

so through God's grace that's what she became. 

Fake

I don't care what you call it, honey
If your actions don't prove it
Everything you say is fake.

This Fear within Me

Please go read this post by Candace.

I can't tell you the number of times I've felt this way.

My words are meaningless. I post my thoughts but they are just rambles.

Most of the time I don't even take the time to edit them. The words fly off my fingers and onto the page and they are there forever.

My mind is like a trap. It takes words, phrases that I read, hear or see and pieces them together into incoherent phrases and paragraphs.

Half of the time I feel guilty for even having a blog at all because I feel like if anyone takes the time to read it - it will just be a waste of their time.

I read through old posts and contemplate deleting them. Sometimes I do. But sometimes I just leave them and shake my head.

There aren't many things I'm afraid of. One of them is water. But probably even more so than that is oblivion.

I'm so afraid that people won't remember me.

That I won't make a difference.

That I won't save anyone's life.

I'm afraid that I will spend my life chasing a dream that will make me feel good, but accomplish nothing.

I'm afraid that I won't be a hero.

I'm afraid that I won't get to help anyone.

Truth is, I love superhero movies. I love the strength and the honor that they portray. But I'm afraid - terrified - that when my time comes, I won't be strong enough or honorable enough. Or even worse - that my time will never come. That I'll live an uneventful life in the comfort of my home. Never strong enough or brave enough to risk it all and save someone's life.

I'm also afraid of being a cheap copy.

All my life, I've striven to be an original.

Even as a teen, I never wanted to be like the crowd. I wanted to stand out. To be better.

But what if I'm not?

I can't stop there. I can't live in fear.

There is One who loves me more than I can ever imagine. He will give me strength to fight the battles. He will prepare me and give me His grace. He has a plan for me, and if I let Him, He will use me to make a difference. And for that, I'm eternally grateful.

Candace, I couldn't comment on your post, but it made me cry because it is exactly how I've felt time and time again and I am so grateful that you wrote it and I just wanted to let you know. You're not alone.

Brave

I'm not brave enough

To show my heart

To let them get too close

How is it so easy for others?

I've always admired them

And wished I could do what they do

Wished that I were that brave

To let them see me

To be a friend

Regrets swarm me

All night

But there is One that sees my heart

He understands me and cares about me

Even when I can't understand myself