My words are meaningless. I post my thoughts but they are just rambles.
Most of the time I don't even take the time to edit them. The words fly off my fingers and onto the page and they are there forever.
My mind is like a trap. It takes words, phrases that I read, hear or see and pieces them together into incoherent phrases and paragraphs.
Half of the time I feel guilty for even having a blog at all because I feel like if anyone takes the time to read it - it will just be a waste of their time.
I read through old posts and contemplate deleting them. Sometimes I do. But sometimes I just leave them and shake my head.
There aren't many things I'm afraid of. One of them is water. But probably even more so than that is oblivion.
I'm so afraid that people won't remember me.
That I won't make a difference.
That I won't save anyone's life.
I'm afraid that I will spend my life chasing a dream that will make me feel good, but accomplish nothing.
I'm afraid that I won't be a hero.
I'm afraid that I won't get to help anyone.
Truth is, I love superhero movies. I love the strength and the honor that they portray. But I'm afraid - terrified - that when my time comes, I won't be strong enough or honorable enough. Or even worse - that my time will never come. That I'll live an uneventful life in the comfort of my home. Never strong enough or brave enough to risk it all and save someone's life.
I'm also afraid of being a cheap copy.
All my life, I've striven to be an original.
Even as a teen, I never wanted to be like the crowd. I wanted to stand out. To be better.
But what if I'm not?
I can't stop there. I can't live in fear.
There is One who loves me more than I can ever imagine. He will give me strength to fight the battles. He will prepare me and give me His grace. He has a plan for me, and if I let Him, He will use me to make a difference. And for that, I'm eternally grateful.
Candace, I couldn't comment on your post, but it made me cry because it is exactly how I've felt time and time again and I am so grateful that you wrote it and I just wanted to let you know. You're not alone.
This. Because there is joy when it's not about us, when it becomes all about Jesus, the One who gives us grace time and time again, the One who rejoices over the small steps like a father rejoices in his child learning to walk. So even if we stumble and fall down, God still rejoices in us that we tried and grabs our hand so to try again.ReplyDelete
Thank you for posting, but more than that, for making it not all about you but about God's grace!
Perfectly stated. There is joy when it all becomes about Him! Thank you so much <3Delete
That's the same way I felt about her post, and I think your post is equally amazing too. I've felt this way countless times, but I guess if God holds my future, the least I can do is wait and pray.ReplyDelete
He will not fail us.Delete
"Half of the time I feel guilty for even having a blog at all because I feel like if anyone takes the time to read it - it will just be a waste of their time.ReplyDelete
I read through old posts and contemplate deleting them. Sometimes I do. But sometimes I just leave them and shake my head."
Oh my gosh, kid. just wow. hello, we may be twins. but this is really beautiful. and you have a really beautiful soul. never doubt that.
That seriously means the world to me. You have no idea. Thank you so much <3Delete
Stay lovely dear.