Tuesday, December 11, 2018

For Pain at My Sight


the world was silent
moving frame by frame
as my hand reached up to feel the dagger
the blade stabbing through my heart
i felt my mouth move but no sound came out
i felt my mind spinning in dizzying circles
as i tried to comprehend this pain.
it clang to my heart and weighed me down
my wings lost in aimless motion.
while lonely streams found their way down my cheeks.
i loved you more than anything
i gave you my heart without reservation
and i lost track of the times that you dropped it
or the number of scars you left on its surface
and as i longed for a glimpse of the moon,
even she abandoned me for pain at my sight.
even she abandoned me for pain at my sight.

Tuesday, November 6, 2018

Found Her Voice Again


the sun didn't forget to shine
as the rain tried to wash away her pain
falling in a rhythm with her tears
and as she pondered it all
she found a beauty in the rain
she found a meaning to her pain
and as the rain kissed her face,
she realized how to use her voice

Undeservingly Protected


i felt the ground beneath my feet
as it began to crumble.
fear made the sky turn black
and the torrent of a thousand memories
flooded my soul in a jumble.
i grasped for air
for a semblance of life
as it used to be.
but all i found was pain,
sadness, and a lonely ache.
but as the world gave way
and even the air abandoned me,
i found that i didn't fall
because Your arms were there 
to catch me. 
and as You breathed Your Grace
on me,
i could breathe again,
i could sing again,
i could love again.
and as the fear and pain
melted away,
all i felt was safe,
and loved,
and undeservingly protected. 

Sunday, November 4, 2018

The Bystander

{St. Petersburg, Russia}
{Helsinki, Finland}
{Mumbai, India}

the world was at her feet
as she ran in the wind
and chased the flurries
of her feelings and dreams.
a moment of time
a cascade of memories
and to the world she was blind.

as a bystander,
she observed their faces
stoic and set -
like the weather outside.
as a bystander,
she listened to their language,
stout and strong -
like they were.
as a bystander,
she felt their poverty,
with her heart and soul.
as a bystander,
she slipped on their shoes,
and walked a mile or two.

and after it all,
when she returned home,
they said she was a world traveler.
but she only felt the poverty
of her own experience.
and she kept their faces,
and language, and shoes,
saved in her mind for another time.
saved in her mind for another time.

I Didn't Know


i thought of her today.
of broken friendships 
and tainted conversations
     long since past.
those memories
of feigned laughter, 
mixed signals, 
and deafening silence
build up like a toxic fog
     in my mind.
until the sunlight 
of this present moment
     clears it all away. 
back then, i only saw the trees.
today, i see the forest. 
i was lost when she
trapped me in her web
of tangled promises and
churning relationships. 
but He took me to the shore.
He saved me like He always does.
and looking back, i see all the reasons.
and looking back, i see all the reasons.

so thank You, Jesus, 
for delivering me 
from shallow friends 
with deep conversations. 
for protecting me 
from toxic relationships
with dark intentions.
for saving me
in Your flawless timing.
for saving me
when i didn't know i needed saving.

Thursday, August 30, 2018

The Rhythm of the Storm


i felt the waters with my toes,
as the twilight twinkled 'round me.
sparkles dancing on the ocean;
flecks of a thousand dreams and memories.
and as my heart twirled through them,
my mind gradually became aware
of a deepening pressure, a sinking current
twisting itself around my soul
and as i fought to be free of the heartbreak
i love you, my child
echoed in my ear
and i remembered how i used to love the rain,
as i relented to the pain.
feeling the pulse of the ocean.
taking in the beat of the storm.
because in the end, the sun always wins.
so for the instant 
i observed the storm
matching my tears to the rhythm;
and when it all was behind me
i gave thanks to God for my wounded heart. 
i gave thanks to God for my wounded heart. 

Thursday, June 28, 2018

Chasing Fireflies


pastel twilight filled the air
as dusk revealed a thousand fireflies
     dancing in the field before me.
innocent and filled with passion,
i caught their effervescent glow
and tried to save some of the magic.
and tried to save some of the magic.

i used to think romance was falling;
but now i know the best part is catching,
     before you even know you fell.
i used to think romance was wishing;
but now i know the best part is thanking,
     for what you already have.
i used to think romance was butterflies;
but now i know the best part is unchanging,
     steadfast and intentional.

and here i am at 5 again.
standing awestruck at the pastel twilight;
not noticing the gentle breeze
     that's pulling at my curls.
because the effervescent glow of love
is dancing in my dreams at night
and i'm laughing as i try to catch it
and seal it in the jar of my heart.
and seal it in the jar of my heart.

Sunday, March 11, 2018

My Stardust


the night was bright with glittering stars
but i cast my wish upon the falling star
and in my surprise,
its stardust surrounded me
and for a moment,
i was protected
for a moment,
my dreams were enchanted
swirling in this magical world
and i kept waiting to wake up -
for this dream to end.
but when i look at you,
i still see only magic.

This Choice


this choice is before us
and it's never been so obvious
like the gentle roll of the morning tide
our feelings brought us to this place.
and now this wave recedes after our ride,
but we can't let the ocean decide our fate.
because emotions are a fickle state
so in this moment we have a choice
and i find my thoughts overpowering my voice
because, darling,
when the current of our feelings subsides,
then love becomes a daily choice.

Wednesday, January 24, 2018

Storm Symphonies


the air was cold
my bones were shivering
and fear pulsed
through my veins
but i found this oasis
this peaceful place
i watch the storm
against my window
as the thunder and rain
lull me off to sleep
with their symphonies.

Monday, January 22, 2018

A Single Sand


it was a moment.
a mere sand of time, love.
and most of them fly by;
but this one held eternity.
and every sand before it
had a different hue
than every sand after it.
but none of them, love,
matched this single sand.
this moment in time.
its color was passion
and its hue was regret
and the image it bore,
we will never forget.
but, love,
of all the sands of time
i would switch it with none
because it's our story
and even these tainted memories
are good when they're with you.



i looked at the ashes
and in that moment
i saw the beauty of life
because they weren't nothing
though the fire had burned them
and even though
     everything had changed;
in some ways, it was all the same.
and i watched as the sun beamed down
and filled our hearts with

Fear Can't Touch Me


these peaceful waters rush over me
like the waves of a mountain stream
filling my soul with stillness
and a peace that remains.
the sky is tumultuous o'er me
with no dancing sunbeams in sight
and all the leaves are clinging
to the trees in fright.
but although i feel the pain
in my bones there is only peace
and calm and hope
because their fear can't touch me.

Saturday, January 13, 2018

Only Stars


i looked at the stars
and saw a million suns
beaming, sparkling at me.
i reached out to touch them
with my emotions
i cast my wishes upon them
but when i glanced again
there were no suns
only a million stars
with their cold distance
and my far-flung, dying wishes.
so i picked up my rose colored glasses
and put them back on with a smile.



my well ran dry
after i gave it all to you
i gave you everything
and got nothing in return
i felt the pain of your knife
i felt all the feelings
that you didn't feel.
and i thought it would be dry
but now the tears won't stop.
and now the tears won't stop.

Monday, January 8, 2018

Dying Star


there were tears down my heart
and crying broken blood
the moon covered her face
and wept bitter tears
while the thunder bemoaned
my agony
this pain was more than i could bear
the storm was stronger than my resolve
and all i could do was picture your face
and wish upon a dying star
and cast empty wishes on a dying star