Saturday, January 31, 2015

Why Me?

there is a question that has been known to haunt me
day and night it plagues my mind

the homeless Man on the corner
the widowed Mother trying to feed her young

that small Boy who is a little too skinny
without a mother to wipe the dirt from his face

tattered rags and feet with blisters
facing Their troubles so alone

my eyes are not closed to Their sorrow
the pain in Their eyes torments me without end

how can it be that i am so blessed
why has my life been so easy and happy

its nothing i've done to somehow deserve this
it's nothing They've done to be rewarded with pain

although i know i may never know the answer
this question still plays out in my mind

why me?

why have i been given so much
and They so little

but i have been given a burden to bear
for i am called


Friday, January 30, 2015


i stand in awe
of Your overwhelming love
like an ocean
ever steady
yet ever changing

it is more beautiful still
the way it surrounds me
it pulls me in
and i finally feel free

so undeserving
and so small am i
here in Your presence 

like a grain of sand
that is washed clean 
by the immense water 
of the ocean

Sunday, January 25, 2015

Infinity Dreams Award

The rules

+ Thank and follow the blog that nominated you.
+ Tell us 11 facts about you.
+ Answers the questions that were set up for you.
+ Nominate 11 people and make questions for them.

I wasn't nominated by anyone, but the lovely Nicole Rose did this and it looked like fun, so here goes!

11 Facts About Me

  1. I've been teaching myself coding (HTML, CSS, etc) and really enjoying it. 
  2. I have a younger sister and a younger brother who are a couple of my best friends. 
  3. I love cooking and dream of how great it would be to be a chef. 
  4. I'm very quiet and hard to get to know. 
  5. I embarrass myself on a regular basis and beat myself up for it. 
  6. I think beauty is something that we must learn to see. 
  7. When I find a song I like, I will literally play it on repeat for days on end. 
  8. I am usually very organized, but I don't like to plan ahead. 
  9. Sometimes I'm not sure how I get anything done with all the procrastinating I do. 
  10. I want to have a cat named Meredith. 
  11. I love being outside in the fall. 

The questions I was asked

  1. Favorite thing about blogging?
    I love meeting new people from around the world. I also love the design aspect. 
  2. Are you a writer, a reader, both, or neither?
    Both, although I don't have much time to read at the time being. 
  3. Favorite clothing item?
    I'm currently in love with cardigans. They are a great way to accessorize and finish off an outfit. 
  4. Have you ever had a movie marathon? Why?
    Not really. I'm not sure why not. 
  5. Favorite band?
    Not really bands, but Taylor Swift and Owl City are by far my favorite musicians. 
  6. Long hair or short hair?
    Long wavy, curly, frizzy hair that I have a love/hate relationship with. lol
  7. Favorite quote?
    You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it. -Robin Williams
  8. How many stuffed animals do you own?
    Four - a Purdue pillow pet, a light up pillow pet-type-thing, an owl, and a green and blue cat that my parents got me as a joke since I asked for a cat for Christmas. 
  9. What are your goals for 2015?
    Like I said, I'm not much for planning ahead, but I suppose I want to continue to grow and improve spiritually, most of all. I'm also planning on finishing grad school and taking the RD exam to become a dietitian! Oh, and hopefully I'll get a job.... yeah, a job would be nice. 
  10. Favorite social media site?
    Goodness, maybe Instagram? 
  11. Least favorite social media site?
    probably reddit or twitter

Nominees and their questions

I'm just gonna cheat and say anyone who would like can do this ;)

  1. What is your biggest dream? 
  2. What are you most proud about in your life? 
  3. What are you most insecure about? 
  4. Who is your favorite superhero? 
  5. What is your favorite color and why? 
  6. What is something that you aren't scared of, but maybe you should be? 
  7. What makes you laugh? 
  8. What is your Meyers-Briggs personality type? (or just describe your personality if you don't know it)
  9. What were you doing right before this? 
  10. What is one thing you could not live without? 
  11. What is your pet peeve? 

Let me know if you do this so I can read it!


Ah, Superheros.

Who doesn't love a good superhero?

I think my favorite superhero would have to be spiderman. I've only watched the most recent spiderman movies, but they were absolutely amazing. You know how there are movies that you just get a certain character? I definitely noticed that with Peter Parker/Spiderman and then I looked it up and he is supposedly an INFP just like me, which would make sense.

Anyway, I was just thinking about it and wondering why superheros are so popular? I decided that there's just something about a good superhero - it makes you feel like you can accomplish anything.
 A superhero makes you feel hopeful that there is still good in the world. Wouldn't you give anything to be a superhero? I always admire their ability to help people and their passion for life and for good.

But would you really want to be a superhero? There's a meme that has been going around pinterest, and it's made me think.

Would it really be that grand to be a superhero? If you really think about it, I think it would be a lonely life. Sure, it would make you feel good to help people, but most people wouldn't understand you. You would be forever alone. Always the strong one. Doing the hard things. Facing unimaginable trials. We all admire them on the screen, but if we met them in real life, would we even realize who they were? Would we recognize them as someone amazing?

See, there is one Superhero. He created us. He saved us. He loves us. And He's always there, behind the scenes keeping the world spinning. Perhaps the reason we are so fascinated with superheros on the screen is because we are searching for the true Superhero. But we fail to recognize Him for who He is, and that He is so much more than any superhero could ever be.

I also have another point with all this - if you want to make a difference in this world, I mean really make a difference, you are going to have to be prepared to face a superhero's life. You're going to have to be strong and lonely and brave. It will be hard, and I promise it won't be fun. People won't recognize you. You'll make enemies. But the ultimate Superhero will be there right beside you through it all. And it will only be because of Him that you'll make it through.

Saturday, January 24, 2015

(Guest Post) Taking Flight

I have some exciting news to share! I have convinced my sister to join me in the blogging world and her new blog is called Taking Flight at

You all should check her blog out, she has lovely things to share and I'm sure you'll enjoy her writing. :)

tell us about your blog.
My blog is about my thoughts and feelings as I am at the beginning of adulthood, as well as things I am pondering or struggling with.

what's your favorite thing to do?
My favorite thing to do is be around my friends. I don't mean this like you might think, by my friends I mean one or two people who I feel a close connection with.....

what's your favorite color and why?
my favorite color is blue, because it reminds me of the vast ocean, and all of the unexplored depths and the discoveries yet to be made in it

Thursday, January 22, 2015

Your Eyes

There's an invisible force at work on my heart
It gently, silently tears my memories apart -
Bringing each one to the stage of my mind
In a way that is most brutally unkind. 

Like the ocean beating against a cave,
The memories haunt my soul in waves
As if drawn in by the sheer force
Of a moon's gravitational course. 

It seems like ages ago
When we talked and we laughed
The memories are so fine
Until your eyes - 
Your eyes took me by surprise. 

Can we go back for a moment? 
Can we just rewrite time? 
I want to remember, 
But I can't stand to be haunted. 
By that look - 
That look in your eyes. 

You are like a moon
And your eyes are your force
That take my memories
And turn them into a nightmare - 
A beautiful and agonizing nightmare. 

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Laurel Crowned (The Content Panda Bear)


(new domain:

This blog was previously known as the Content Panda Bear, but as you can tell - I've decided to change the name. I decided this for several reasons. First of all, I wanted to change the design up. I'm not completely sure if I'll be keeping this design or not, but I think it's good for the time being.

Another reason for the change is that I feel this name fits me better. I still like the idea of contentment, but I wanted more than that. For the most part, I think I have mastered contentment. Partly because it is a natural part of my personality, but also because it is something God has been working in my life with. Contentment is so incredibly important, but I am also reminded that we should never be content in our spiritual walk. We should always be striving to be better. Fighting to win the race that God has placed before us.

One of my dreams is to one day run a marathon. I've always been fascinated by the discipline that runners wield over their lives. Everything has to work together for the race to be ran successfully. The runner has to exercise control over almost all aspects of their life - diet, physical activity, sleep, mental status, etc. - to win the race. The same is true for us in our spiritual walk: we need to put away the things that might slow us down in the race.

So you may be wondering what laurel crowned has to do with all this race running. Laurel crowns are circular wreaths made from interlocking branches and leaves of the Bay Laurel plant. You may be most familiar with laurel crowns from the Olympics, where the winners are crowned with a laurel wreath. This started in ancient Greece and Rome where laurel wreaths symbolized victory and were used to crown a successful commander during his triumph. I want to run the race to win an incorruptible laurel crown.

Perhaps another reason that I've always been partial to laurel crowns is because that is what my name means. Lorraine originated in Latin and means "laurel crowned." This has always been special to me, because it reminds me that I am more than victorious through Christ who strengthens me.

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

I Wish We Could be Friends Again

do you remember all the good times we had
back when we used to be friends //
the crazy ideas and the long nights filled with
the best conversations

all those secrets we shared //
all the things that we would never talk about
     with anyone else

sometimes when i close my eyes at night
i hear your laughter
     // it makes me smile
        and it makes my heart hurt a little

because those were some good times
     those were some of our best days
          and we didn't even realize it

we have changed so much since then //
life has happened and we've made new friends -
but sometimes...
sometimes i wish that life were more simple
      and that we could be friends once again.

Sunday, January 11, 2015

Words as Weapons | Birdy

I'm not a huge music person, so I just discovered the incredible artist Birdy. I am so in love with this song right now. You all should listen to it.

I feel your knife as it goes right in
Cut to my core but I'm not bleeding
All that you say trying to make me small
Well, the bigger you get the harder you fall
. . .
If you use your words as a weapon
Then as a weapon, I'll shed no tears
. . .

Friday, January 9, 2015

Temples of our Lives

I've begun to find that there are some things which must always remain secrets of the heart. There are some things that just can't be shared with others. Perhaps the best way to picture this is to imagine that our beings are temples. And as such, they can be divided into the outer court, the inner court, and the  most holy place.

The Outer Court.

Perhaps even before the outer court is a place that we may call the outside world. This includes all of humanity. The cashier who checks you out while you discuss the weather. The grandfather at the nursing home who stops you in the hall to tell you about his grandchildren. The patient that you take care of and teach how to make healthier choices. The outside world is a place where you may meet strangers, but they do not learn anything about your personal life. The outside world is a place for small talk and arbitrary facts. These are people that brush across your life, but never quite into it.

The outer court is a part of our being that can be shared with most people we come in contact with - people who show a curiosity in our lives - acquaintances and friends alike. It is our knowledge, what we like and dislike of the most neutral objects, our talents and abilities to a certain extent - but never too much. We share, that these people may have a picture of us, but they never fully know us. There are questions that can't be answered, thoughts and feelings that must never be shared. We laugh and share humor; we talk and we cry; we say hello and hug goodbye. They know the facts of our existence perhaps, but not the meaning of it. 

The Inner Court.

The inner court is one of the deepest parts of our being. Just like the priests had to cleanse themselves before entering, people must earn the right to know us on this level. Only a select few may enter here. These are our immediate family and very best friends. The people that we know we can turn to in times of trouble. The people we tell about our struggles and ask them to stand in prayer. The people who understand us even when we don't always understand ourselves. These are the people who we share our thoughts and feelings with. These are the people we turn to for advice and comfort. These are people that we select very carefully. Because they hold power to change the course of your life.

The Holy Place.

This is the part of our being that we do not even share with our best friend. This is the place where our very deepest dreams and desires are held. The moments in time that have shaped us into who we are. Only the high priest could enter this section of the temple, and only once a year. This is the place where God resides in your heart. Only one other person may ever be allowed to enter. The person that enters here must work very hard to prove their worthiness. They must work to prove that they deserve even more access to your life than your family and best friends. They must win your heart and pledge to stand by you in your darkest of times. Only the vows of marriage can open this final door. 

Of course, this world is not perfect and we all make mistakes. We may let people into certain places of us that they should not see. We may share too much with strangers and friends alike. But the more often I have made these mistakes, I have found that they there are almost always accompanied with consequences.

Share your life with people, but make sure they earn the privilege of entering your life first. Because every time you share something of yourself - even if it is only in the outer court - you are giving that person a little bit of influence in your life. And you should choose very carefully who you allow that access to. 

Borne by the Heart

Sometimes words are not powerful enough
For the emotions that cascade through my being.
I open my mouth, but words don't come out.
The pen quivers in my hand as the blank page stares up at me.

There are some things in life that weren't meant for understanding.
Thoughts and sentiments that are too deep to be uttered.
There are some things that the heart alone is able to bear;
Sometimes silence can be the most beautiful thing.

Saturday, January 3, 2015

Looking forward

...and maybe a little backwards. (:

First things first, I created this wordle from this blog - the most commonly used words over the past year. I think I like it, don't you? (: It's a good picture of the content panda bear.

Second things second. Don't you just adore new years? New beginnings? A blank canvas and a new set of paints to shape the year into whatever beautiful thing you want it to be. Sure, you'll make mistakes along the way, but you'll be beautifully - brilliantly - you. And in the end it will all come together, just like it always does, into a hugely fantastic mess of a picture. Because God is there beside you, and He will take your hand and guide you - lead you - in His perfect way. And even if it isn't all roses and sunshine along the way, it will all be okay. And it will still be beautiful, in it's own incredible right. Because - don't you know - there is a beauty in the night, and it cannot be understood by those who live only in the day.

What are your dreams for this year? The blank canvas of your life that will be known as twenty fifteen?