Saturday, November 29, 2014

The Feeling of Missing

That moment when something reminds you
Of someone that you don't see anymore.
And your heart feels like that kitten
That was just taken away from its litter. 

The friendship that you wish would have grown closer.
That person who seemed so perfect.
Regrets and memories haunt your mind
Like a swarm of gnats around fruit in the summer. 

You should have been friendlier.
If only you had opened up more.
Blame casts itself at your feet
Like a drunken girl that can't think straight.

Your heart feels like it will drown in the pain that floods your heart and being.
That moment when the path suddenly seems empty and the sun so dreary.
That moment when loneliness descends like a heavy curtain.
That moment when you miss someone so much you can't breathe. 

Thursday, November 27, 2014

The Blogger Recognition Award

picture not mine, editing done by me

I am very honored to receive this award from two incredible bloggers: Nicole Rose and Adelaide Thompson! Thank you so much to both of these wonderfully kind ladies. (:

Saturday, November 22, 2014

The Music of a Violin

There once was a girl who lived in a dream;
Until one day she awoke with a scream.

She looked all around but it was so dark,
The world was so sleepy and quiet as a lark.

Which she thought was rather strange,
Because larks have a superb vocal range.

Thankfulness ~ Weather & Seasons

A sound of laughter and merriment echoes down the hallway,
Interrupting the quiet solitude of my space for a fleeting moment.
A feeling that I can't quite explain springs up inside of me;
Thoughts and memories bring about an awakening of contentment.
A smile makes its way first to my eyes, and slowly to my lips;
Gratitude steadily surrounds my heart with its lovely sentiment.

The warmth of the sun's smile as it kisses my cheeks.
The playful wind's gentleness as it tugs at my hair.
The affectionately soft hug from the grass as I rest.
The dutiful rain as it drudges down my windows.
The compassionate whisper of the ocean.
The hushed chatter of the trees.

The beautifully fickle clouds as they sail across the sky;
One moment majestic and grand, the next dark and foreboding.
The humble caress of the sand against my wandering feet.
The deep reassurance from the thunder as I lie asleep.
The blushing glance from the oaks as they wait for winter.
The awe-inspiring power of the stars, filling the night sky with glitter.

The soft crunch of my footstep on the forest carpet.
The refuge of my jacket against the cruel winter air.
The pristine purity of the snow, as it blankets the world in white.
The silence of the snow flakes as they fall;
They must be INFPs, with their quiet and slow descent -
As if they are savoring every moment of their journey.

These are the things that make my heart beat in thanksgiving.
These are the things that make every day seem lovely.

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Current Obsession 1

So, I haven't done a lot of music reviews in the past, but I just thought I'd post this because I am absolutely obsessed with Pentatonix and their Christmas music lately. I'm definitely putting them on my Christmas wishlist! These people know how to sing.

Monday, November 17, 2014

Whisper a Prayer for Them Tonight

Ferguson. This summer, I would have had no idea where or what that was. In August, I moved to Saint Louis to start grad school. A few short weeks later, there was a shooting that occurred about 15 minutes away from me; the ripples of which have echoed back and forth across this nation. The unfortunate events that took place that day and in the weeks and months afterward are a stark reminder to me of man's fallen nature. My heart hurts thinking about the people who are in such turmoil that they cannot seem to find the way up. This nation, this world, is in such desperate need of a Savior.

Sunday, November 16, 2014

Puzzle Pieces: Faith and Works

For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God:
Not of works, lest any man should boast. (Ephesians 2:8-9)
This is such a powerful verse about salvation. We can't do anything to earn salvation. We'll never be good enough. No works that we do will ever bring us any closer to heaven, we are all sinners deserving of eternal punishment. Thankfully God offers us a gift, the gift of grace. However, when someone gives us a gift, we have the choice to open it or leave it. In this case, we open God's gift through faith.

What is faith? Faith is believing that God is, and that Jesus died and rose again. Belief is not works, it is part of our faith; it is how we accept God's gift to us - like opening a present. When we open the present, we aren't doing anything to earn it, we are merely accepting it. Faith is also confessing this belief out loud, for others to be a witness to. Baptism is an outward symbol of our choice to have faith in God, and accept His gift of grace and salvation.
But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him. (Hebrews 11:6)
And as they went on their way, they came unto a certain water: and the eunuch said, See, here is water; what doth hinder me to be baptized? And Philip said, If thou believest with all thine heart, thou mayest. And he answered and said, I believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God. (Acts 8:36-37)
He that believeth on the Son hath everlasting life: and he that believeth not the Son shall not see life; but the wrath of God abideth on him. (John 3:36)
All this being said, we can't just throw works out the window. Works are wrong in the sense that they would help us earn salvation. Nothing we do can ever earn that. But works are good as a natural outpouring of our gratitude for the tremendous gift we have received from God. In fact, God created us to do good works!
For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them. (Ephesians 2:10)
Even so faith, if it hath not works, is dead, being alone. (James 2:17)
So basically it all comes down to this: we are all sinners, we have all fallen short of God's perfect standard. We can never do enough good to outweigh the bad, because that isn't the way it works. God is perfect, and by His very nature, He cannot tolerate sin. This is His just side. However, God is also love and He loved us so much that He made a way for us to be forgiven - by His perfect Son, Jesus Christ's death. Jesus took our sins so we could live with God. It is a gift of grace that we can accept or reject.

We accept His gift through faith by believing on Jesus and confessing our belief. We are then so filled with gratitude by the wonderfulness of this gift that we show our appreciation by doing what is right. God's forgiveness frees us from the bonds of sin so we can live pure and holy lives filled with gratitude before Him.

Isn't that a beautiful picture?
Whosoever believeth that Jesus is the Christ is born of God: ... By this we know that we love the children of God, when we love God, and keep his commandments. For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments: and his commandments are not grievous. For whatsoever is born of God overcometh the world: and this is the victory that overcometh the world, even our faith. Who is he that overcometh the world, but he that believeth that Jesus is the Son of God? This is he that came by water and blood, even Jesus Christ; not by water only, but by water and blood. And it is the Spirit that beareth witness, because the Spirit is truth. (1 John 5: 1-6)
-these thoughts were inspired by the lovely sermon I listened to today at my church. 

Friday, November 14, 2014

Secrets from my Past 3

It seems like a lot of other bloggers are homeschooled. Every time I see this, I smile a little. Although it seems like a very long time ago, I was once homeschooled too. Okay, so it wasn't THAT long ago - I graduated in 2010. It seems like a lot has happened since then though. I have a bachelor's degree. I have more friends. I've grown up a lot. Things are changing. Some good changes, and perhaps some that I don't like as much. But I just want to encourage all you fellow homeschoolers out there to keep it up.

There were some times as I was growing up that I wished that I wasn't homeschooled, but for the most part I enjoyed it. Once I graduated, I really appreciated it. So just in case you aren't convinced that homeschooling is the absolute best, here are 10 reasons why I think it is:

  1. You can learn at your own pace. If I excelled at a subject and really enjoyed it, I would find additional ways to challenge myself and learn it better. If there was a subject that I struggled with more, I could take the additional time to learn it better without getting behind in a classroom.
  2. You learn how to be self-motivated. My mom always made us be at our desks by 8:00 am sharp. If we weren't, there were penalties such as extra chores. I also learned how to be self-motivated at my schoolwork and get things done before they were due.
  3. You learn how to study on your own. As a homeschooler, I didn't have a group of friends all learning the same thing as me. I had to study on my own, and I figured out ways that worked for me and ways that didn't long before college.
  4. You learn how to interact with people that aren't your age. Who says that socializing with 100 kids the same age as you makes you socialized? By being around my family all day, I got lots of practice interacting with people older and younger than me. When you are around the same people for that long, you are forced to learn good communication skills and how to get along with people that may have very different personalities than you. When I tell people now that I was homeschooled, most of them are very surprised and comment on how normal I am (well I don't consider myself normal, but seriously - what type of horrible stereotypes are going around about homeschoolers?! Don't listen to them!).
  5. You learn life skills. If mom needs help cooking, you get a half an hour break from school to help get lunch ready. If a little brother needs help with his math homework, you sit down and help him. If there is a storm coming and things outside need put away, you get a 10 minute exercise break to help out.
  6. You can fit almost anything into your education.I was able to take art lessons from a local artist, take piano lessons, and every couple weeks we would get together with other homeschoolers to learn about special topics more in depth and hands on - such as soybeans or insects. When we went to Chicago for vacation, we took a field trip to the board of trade and watched all the craziness of stock trade. My family also did hundreds of projects in 4-H - I learned how to do everything from baking bread, to sewing a dress, to making a cedar chest, to overhauling a snowmobile engine.
  7. You have a flexible schedule. If something important like a funeral came up, we could easily put school on pause for the day and pick up the next day without having to play catch up. This is also great if you have the opportunity to go on a mission trip during the school year.
  8. You are smart. Getting into college was no problem. I received the top academic scholarships at all the schools I applied to; and freshman year was a breeze. It was so much easier than my curriculum of homeschooling that I didn't study at all my first year. Work hard now, and you can do anything you set your mind to.
  9. You don't have to worry as much about crazy people. Be it a school bully or a mass shooter, you are pretty safe at home with your family. You also don't have to deal with all the drama of teen dating and pregnancies and cliques, you name it.
  10. And most of all, you can learn about God. You don't have to worry about stopping to pray before taking an exam or reading your daily devotions and discussing them at lunch. In fact, that was encouraged! And that my friends, is the most important thing you will ever learn about in life. 
What do you enjoy most about homeschooling? 

PS - read part 1 and part 2 as well. 

Wednesday, November 12, 2014


With childlike abandon, the sun radiates her warmth. 
Sporting their most majestic garb, the trees whisper in excitement. 
Deep thoughts of eager expectation drive the wind along more quickly. 
The world is alive and bursting with a secret
Just waiting to be told.

Fall is here; and winter is coming.
The heat has gone; and the sun is setting.
A smile dances into my eyes, 
Wonder floods my heart...

With change, comes adjustments. 
What is gone will never come back.
Ah! But with change, comes new opportunities!

Monday, November 3, 2014


"Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me."

The darkness surrounded me, suppressing my voice.
I squeezed shut my eyes, but it was all I could see.
Memories floated through my mind, times of rejoicing...
Ah, that I could feel so at peace again.
As I sink further into the deepness, it feels like
A piece of me is missing.
As the days stretch onward, I'm slowly becoming
Engulfed in the darkness. My being one with the shadow.

Chaos ensues. Dark questions haunt my mind -
Spinning a dizzying web inside my brain.
I've always been the good girl, or so I thought.
How can I to bad things....
I know he is bad for me, know it's no good.
But my heart cries out irrationally -
"He's perfect for me!"

My eyes squeeze shut again, and my mouth utters -
Some words - meant to be a prayer.
Yet it seems that their meaning is all but lost
In this cold, dark place.
My soul cries out, "Lord, please help my
Lost self! I know I can't do this anymore,
I need Your help."

My plea slips into the darkness,
A flare for help, all but lost in outer space.
I muster all my strength to stand,
But my broken leg immediately bows
And I fall down in pain and anguish.
I cry into my hands, defeat again upon me.
All I want is to be loved, to feel desirable -
Is that all so bad?

Besides, my heart reasons,
"I am always so good...
So I need a little bad to balance me out."
I try to ignore the still, small voice
That tells me, ever so quietly -
"You know that's not My best for you."

"Your best for me?!" my heart sputters back,
"Then what is Your best for me - to sit here
Alone, so sad and so cold?"
The still, small voice is gone - no rebuttal in sight.
But deep in my mind, the answer is clear,
And I know that no argument can be won
With my irrational heart.

I cry out again, "Lord, please make my desires
More like You want them to be."
My heart fights against it, but my mind and
My soul deeply desire it.
The weeks turn to months, and at every corner,
It seems the blackness only grows worse.
Deeper and darker and harder to break.

I wonder if I will ever feel again.
If I will ever recover from this.
If I will ever walk on my legs again.
But all is not lost, and one day I awake -
To a beautiful feeling.
It must be how the caterpillar feels
When he finally emerges as a butterfly.

The feeling, so freeing, of the darkness
Slipping away, and slowly fading into the light.
The cage that once surrounded you has fallen away
And all that is left is beauty and peace.
There is no other way to describe it.
That moment that your prayers are answered.

When the Healer reaches down, and touches your
Broken leg - and all is healed and normal and well.
The darkness is gone and suddenly, you wonder -
"How could I have ever wanted those things?
How could I be so foolish and blind?"
When suddenly, before you, unfolds -
A Masterpiece. A beautiful piece of art
That makes your old dreams look like
Tattered rags.

And you look up, and you feel God
Smiling at you - and He says, "I will always
Keep my promises, my darling.
I will always hear your prayers.
Even when the darkness surrounds you
And you can't seem to find the way out.
And, my darling, you know that I always have the
Best plan for you that you could ever imagine."

And just like that, the light surrounds you,
And you feel at peace and at home.
And just like that your heart is purified,
And your dreams become a little more dreamy,
And that bad thing that you wanted so much,
Suddenly looks like a pound of sugar does to
The newest winner of the Biggest Loser.

"Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness."