Friday, September 30, 2016

The Gift of a Thousand Colors

black and white
the stark contrast of opposites
contradictions and lines drawn in the sand
until love.
love comes along
and works her perfect work
she paints the colors in the sky
vibrant hues throughout the earth
and deep shades brushed in the night.
the arguments lose their power
as tones are less conflicting,
complementary colors work together
bringing beauty and splendor to life.
what is the world without love?
we would be bound to the confines
of a black and white existence.
but God, in His infinite wisdom,
gave us the gift of a thousand colors.

That Awkward Moment

okay, so please allow me a moment of regret....
some days I'm not sure how anyone can manage to be so awkward.
I am awkward, not all the time, but wayy more often than I want to be.
are you an awkward person?
if so, then you know the agony, pure agony, that I go through.
some days it's so bad that I'm not sure how I even have friends!
like, I'm not sure if I would be friends with me!
why is it that some people are more awkward than others?
why am I more awkward some days than others?
goodness, if you have the answers I'll love you forever.
but otherwise, my moment of regret is up,
and I should move on with my life now.
and my never-ending attempts to be less awkward.

and just for fun... here are some buzzfeeds
because what good is being awkward if you can't at least laugh at yourself?
18 Moments All Socially Awkward People Have Experienced at Some Point
22 Things All Awkward People Know to be True19 
Real Life Situations Every Socially Awkward Person Dreads

Thursday, September 29, 2016



i've been writing too much,
trying to feel.
trying not to feel.
words are cheap.
words are costly.
i want to love you.
i want to hate you.
longing to spend more time,
and trying to avoid you.
hungry for more,
and fed up.
loving the daydream
but dreading sleep.
falling in love
and fighting to forget you.

oy, oxymorons.

Silence > Words

the world is overfilled with books,
and what is the meaning of words?
a thousand are still cheaper than a picture,
and millions cannot explain a scene.
and i assure you, my dear,
all the books in the world
could not describe that look in your eyes.
a split second of memory,
that my mind plays on repeat.
and try as i might, i cannot interpret their intention.
but i would give anything, love,
to find out what you were thinking.
what is a word and who defines their meaning?
isn't silence better than these?
in silence, feelings are felt,
and thoughts too deep for language are pondered.
in silence, the man kisses the maid,
and in silence we weep o'er the grave.
the beauty of the mountains
and the horror of war,
can only be taken in, in silence.

Silent Agony

what are these feelings? 
they tug at my heart,
i fight until i weary
it's not for me to decide.
i would give it all up 
in a heartbeat. 
silence stretches on, 
as words run like a train wreck 
through my mind. 
so many things i want to say,
so many things i want to ask.
and then the moment is over
and i am in agony. 
perfectly silent agony. 

the life of an introvert. 

Treacherous Scars

there are wounds on my heart, love,
because you put them there.
you saw the way my eyes glistened,
how they shone with hope.
but you let me keep falling
and didn't reach out to help.
you broke my heart, love,
your flawless features wounded me.
if love is a war,
these battle scars are treacherous
because they remind me of you.

Wednesday, September 28, 2016

Song in my Head


you're like a song
that got stuck inside my head
no one knows why that happens
it's not something you can predict
or even do anything to prevent
the song is just there
sometimes you like the song
sometimes you don't
i think i like you
but you're stuck in my head
you are kind and beautiful
           it's true
but you don't belong inside my head
and i don't know how to get you out

That Smile

that smile on your face, love,
it keeps me from breathing,
it overrides all my thoughts,
and hijacks my day.
that smile on your face, love,
makes me feel a little crazy,
a little out of sync,
was it meant for me, or someone else?
that smile on your face, love,
i wish it was always there,
it makes the world so much brighter,
and gives my heart a workout.
that smile on your face, love,
is more than i can handle,
it plays over and over in my head,
and it is more than i can handle.

Tuesday, September 27, 2016

Pass Us By

These words will pass us by,
These sounds will fade into silence.
The sunlight is hidden from our faces,
The wind no longer touches us.
We take a breath of love and wonder,
We marvel at how harsh beauty is.
When our longings disappear,
And our sighing goes unanswered.

I've been playing with words lately. Trying new styles of writing and breaking away from the ordinary. Dreaming more and being realistic less. Writing about more than just my emotion, but the way we move, how things look, and ambiguous hidden meanings. It's kind of fun. I hope you all enjoy it as well. 

Monday, September 26, 2016

Powerful You

Deep and still, and so full of kindness,
Your eyes captivate my awareness. 
Gentle and strong, like the tide
They gradually pull me closer to your being.
I try to hide my reaction towards you,
My lips are all but glued shut. 
When something is so beautiful 
That it elicits a gasp. 
A sound, so small,
And yet that holds more meanings
Than a thousand dictionaries. 
When something is so flawless
That you cannot look away. 
Thoughts swirl through my head
Like butterflies caught in a storm. 
And oh, the thought of you, 
That paints a silly smile all over my face. 
You have no idea how powerful you are. 

Sunday, September 25, 2016

Hands and Feet

I've been running through rain that I thought would never end. 

In over your head, feeling like you're drowning,
When you want to cry for help but
Your voice is trapped beneath all the water and pain
And no one seems to notice or care.
God will help you through.
But maybe His plan was that the church would be His hands and feet.
So what happens when the church is too busy gossiping and comparing themselves?
Since when did the church become a place of "I'm better than you"?
Since when was winning an argument more important than saving a soul?
And there's no one to turn to because they are either too busy, would judge you, or would talk about you to others.
So you drive home fast and turn up the volume
Hoping that the adrenalin rush and noise will drown out the pain.
Because you can't spend one more drive home crying.
They don't know your past or what you've survived,
Because they never cared enough to ask.
They just assume that they understand
When they have no idea.
I don't want to be like that.
I want to be a church that cares about sinners
More than they care about looking good.
I want to be the lifeline to others where no one has been for me.
I want to be the one someone can call at 3am,
And not worry about me being annoyed or talking about them with my friends.
I want to be Gods hands and feet.

Friday, September 23, 2016



They are so good, so kind.
So generous and forgiving.
I smile and you smile back.
A simple gesture that signifies the core of humanity.
I view the world in awe and wonder.
Marveling at how nice others are to me,
And how little I deserve it.
I mean, I feel like I get complements 
Way more than I give them out. 
People help me accomplish things,
More than I help them.
Am I a bad human?
I don't mean to be.
But people are just so brilliant.
So beautiful. 
Yes, flawed as well -
But so human.
Are there mean people?
Do they disappoint?
Of course.
But there's too much good,
And life is much too short,
To be focused on all the evil.
Let's celebrate life, let's celebrate love.
Let's live life to the fullest and forgive and forget.
Let's run to the ledge and gasp at the beauty.
Let's get drunk on the sunshine and live in the light.
Let's fall in love and have no regrets.
Let's find the beauty and ignore the hate.

Thursday, September 22, 2016

Your Memory

A year ago, we woke up with happy hearts,
To a beautiful, lovely day.
Completely unsuspecting of what it would hold.
Completely unaware of heartbreak, tears, and sorrow
We would experience before its 24 hours were up.

I still remember that car ride home.
Its joy and peace stands in stark contrast to the next hours -
Some of the darkest moments of our lives.
God took our hands as time seemed to slow -
My mom's phone rang as we were getting out of the car.
Caller ID said it was my aunt, but I couldn't even recognize her voice.
And as we arrived back at the scene,
Our lives were completely thrust into a nightmare that none of us could stop,
But God would help us through.
The darkness of night broken by a half dozen ambulances.
The embrace of family as we watched them rush our little cousin to the life line -
     when you are too weak to stand in your own strength, so you hold each other up.
The agony of waiting for news in the quiet hospital waiting room as the rest of the world lay asleep.
Yet all the pain that gripped our hearts was no match for the love and grace of God.

Truly, we didn't know what our next days would hold,
Or how we could ever survive.
But we also didn't understand the greatness of our God.
I now believe that there are parts of God that you can only understand
After experiencing immense and immeasurable grief.
It is something I cannot explain, but He was with us, through it all.

How fitting that your final hours were spent at church.
Your last song was Jesus Loves Me.
And as your angel came to take you home,
I believe you were so happy and excited to go.

God gave us so many promises, so many reassurances of His love and greater plan.
Right before the accident Brooklyn's mom and sister saw a beautiful blue light in the sky which we have never seen before or after. We believe Brooklyn died at the scene and her angel came to take her home - maybe even by horseback...

This picture of Brooklyn with its quote was created several weeks before the accident, and Brooklyn helped pick out the quote.

There were so many little ways that God wrapped His love around us.
And He continues to do so...
Memories of Brooklyn's love of horses, pink, prayer, and singing.
Memories of her giggle, love for live, and friendly spirit.

Lord, we have this moment,
We ask for nothing more
Than for You to guide our roaming
Until heavenward we soar.

Wednesday, September 21, 2016

Beauty of a Moment


oh, to see the beauty of a moment
despite the cruel and unforgiving
work of the hands of time
ravaging on through our lives
reminding us of our frailty
of our vapor-like state
and yet each breath we take
brings to mind Your promises
You will never leave us
nor forsake us
as we cling to Your omnipotent hand
the seasons change
we live and we die
and only You remain
steady, as time marches on
a shelter in the storm of life
a guiding hand through the night
each moment is beautiful
in its demise
each second a picture of splendor
and as we stand in awe and wonder
You wrap Your arms around us.

The Agony of Falling


the sun is shining in my heart
as your words touch my soul
although i've felt it a million times
your kindness unfailingly shocks me
i fumble with words
     worse than trent richardson with pigskin
and your smile saves the day
but somehow i can't think
fast enough to smile back
oh the agony
you unknowingly put me through
because somewhere along the way
i fell for you
and every time i jump back up
your smile and kindness
trips me up yet again

Monday, September 19, 2016

Messed Up

This friendship wasn't built to last,
And yet it has.
This day wasn't meant to pass
But it has. 
You fight with me, I fight with you.
We communicate and misunderstand.
I feel like a failure, and lock you out.
You agree that the danger isn't worth it.
And I will always hate that part of me,
That messed up something that could have been good.

Friday, September 16, 2016

Words Slip

a stray sunbeam meanders through the trees
tumbling onto my paper
a heartbeat
words slip through my fingers
taking a shape and meaning of their own
the air tastes of dreams
and a million hidden meanings
a gasp
the beauty of a moment
of frail and beating hearts
that give their all and long for more
a smile
the sands of time speeding by
unforgiving and undemanding
passing silently away into eternity.

Never Tell


You can never tell
How beautiful the sunrise will be,
Or how long the rain will last.
You can never tell
How cold the night will be,
Or how deep the roots will cast.
You can never tell
How broken your heart will be,
Or how cruel and bitter the ache will blast.
Until it's all said and done,
You can never tell, Love,
You can just never tell.

Saturday, September 10, 2016

To Love


To feel the way another heart beats
To reach beyond the spoken word
To see a soul beneath the eyes
And read the hurt and feelings buried there
To grasp the hatred and not return it
To feel the grip of pain and rise above it
To stand in patient silence
And listen to the heart cry
To give kindness with no expectation of return
To live loved in a world that is not
To show mercy to the undeserving
And never grow angry

This is what it means to love. 

Thursday, September 8, 2016

Taught me to Love

we fight our battles
with strength and ferocity
and bitter, weary tears

our bones are but dust
our heart only blood
and realize this we must
as we struggle to love

your memory is bitter
and yet it is beautiful

because for an instant
you taught me to love

Catching Sunshine

we breathe a breath of pure air and love
the mountains and trees looking on
observing our silent moment
painting our fleeting lives
with the brilliance of their unadulterated hues

the sun casts a glowing spell
on our mountain through the twilight
of another lost day
lonely and tall though she stands
the beauty of a hard life surrounds her

we catch a beam of sunshine in our hands
our last hope in this harsh cruel land
and as the stardust floods the night
we have each other and this moment
this breath of air and lingering sunbeam

together for a moment
beautiful is its evanescence
and your sigh lulls me off to sleep
the daydreams of a wanderer
are a magnificent thing

Wednesday, September 7, 2016

Can't Affect Me

I felt like it was my fault.
I didn't know how to respond to you.
I wasn't good enough.
The way you looked at me
Made me feel like I was nothing.
And maybe I am.
But then I realized
I'm not to blame for your problems.
Your immaturity can't affect me.
My life is beautiful without you,
And I'm just going to keep on walking.

Wasted on You

i've been spending 
too much time 
d a y d r e a m i n g
painting over your
t r u e   c o l o r s
turning you into a
masterpiece in my mind 
but when the 
r o s e   p e t a l s
fell off i realized
how wrong i was
l o v e
you aren't worth the time
i've wasted on you
so forgive me
if you will 
for my trippin
over you

Over You

you was my sky
you was my light
you was the oxygen to my heart
but then i realized
you are actually carbon monoxide
slowly poisoning my brain
squeezing shut my heart
collapsing my lungs
and in my haste
to forget you
my heart was wounded
you left me bleeding
but now
i am so over you
i am so over you

Tuesday, September 6, 2016

Faded Lenses

Looking at the world through a weak pair of lenses
I saw things softer than they truly were
The universe was faded and unrealistic
Colored by the whim of my emotion
Then the Lord reached down
And gave me a new prescription
A new view of life
And I'm in awe of how magnificent it is

Beautifully Sad


those beautifully sad days
when your soul longs for more
and your heart is filled to the brim
with wistful nostalgia
dreaming of days gone by
and wishing for days
that will never come
moments that will never occur
sentiments that will never be whispered
and yet the world spins round
and love infuses each breath
and it is all so beautiful
my love
it is all so very beautiful

Sunday, September 4, 2016

Electric Touch

A heartbeat skipped.
An electric touch.
And in an instant,
My life course was changed.
You became my soundtrack.
Your laugh became my pulse.
And when you look at me,
Time itself is forced to stop.
Who can reckon with a force like that?
How can I resist your thought?
Oh, my Love,
What on earth have you done to me?

Those Beautiful Souls


Those beautiful souls
Whom you encounter,
Once in a lifetime -
Or twice if you're lucky.

Those beautiful souls
Who just get you,
With every fiber of their being,
So effortlessly and completely -
Get you. 

They not only speak your language
And your dialect,
But they speak your soul.

Your thoughts, feelings, and emotions
Cannot be hidden from them.
And there is no judgement.
Because they are the same. 
You are the same.

Those beautiful, lovely, breath-taking souls.

Saturday, September 3, 2016

Always Lovely

I have been friends with my personality,
And I've been friends with my opposite.
The one is easy, and beautifully pure.
We finish each other's sentences,
And laugh at all each other's jokes.
The other is fraught with excitement
And misunderstandings.
We fight and make up,
We listen but don't understand.
And when it's all said and done,
It's a perfectly beautiful mess.

Friendships can be easy,
Or they can be hard,
But, my dear, they are
Always lovely.

Never Met You


I could spend a decade with you, Dear,
And never grow weary of your presence.
The words we say are never enough,
     // they leave me aching for more.
Your laughter touches my soul,
And caresses my face with joy.

And some days, I wish I had never met you,
So I could live my life in blissful ignorance,
Never feeling the lament for more of you.