Sunday, September 10, 2017

Dreaming with Our Eyes Open

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the breeze hit me with a thousand memories
the way we soaked in the silence of the sunshine
the way our eyes sparkled as we talked about tomorrows
the way the earth spun by us
we were careless in the moment
the world was before us
and we didn't try to foretell it
but we dreamed with our eyes wide open.

i walked in and the air felt like listening to you
make up songs on the piano
and laughing about my freshman year
having endless conversations about everything and nothing
sending texts that have long since been deleted.

the room smells like secrets kept forever,
a million broken promises,
and tears that no one else understands.
my window is open like it was that day
with the sun dancing on the floor,
and i watch the flowers bobbing cordially in the breeze.

today.
i felt like i was 16 again
watching the leaves blow off the trees
and wondering where in the world
you are now and what you're doing
and if anything ever reminds you of me.

because i miss the days
when we dreamed with our eyes wide open.

Thursday, August 31, 2017

A Guiding Star

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there was a star along her path
shining so brightly in the night
that she mistook it for the sun
and followed it a little ways,
until the path grew brighter.
regret filled a moment
but then she realized
that without the star that wasn't hers
without the pain she had to bear
without the detour that took her time
she never would have found the right path
or seen the sun, or felt the shine of better days.

Locked Door

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i wanted to open the door
dark, it stood before me
and i knew it wasn't mine
but why was it before me?
i begged to open it, to catch a glimpse
but my hand was stayed
my spirit checked and waiting
i stood silently watching
and then the door was gone
as mysteriously as it had appeared
and i wondered at the moment
at why i was given a closed and locked door
and when the next door opened
i knew the answers all at once.

Tuesday, August 15, 2017

You Think

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you think you know me,
but you've never asked the questions.
you think you see my heart,
but you've never even heard it beat.
you think you understand,
but let me tell you, love
you never will
[until you show that you care]

Sunday, August 13, 2017

Sparks of Hate

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After some of the horrific reports that have been filling the news lately, I've been thinking....about a lot of things. 

First of all, there is so much hate in the world today; it's all around us. There is no excuse for it. It is something that cannot be tolerated because it will consume us. Ferguson. Orlando. Charlottesville. This hatred is destructive and fatal.

Hate spreads like wildfire and burns all that it touches. One spark can ravage an entire forest - one hate-filled word can ruin a friendship, one hate-filled moment can destroy a life, and one hate-filled person can devastate a nation. A wildfire won't die if you ignore it - at least not until it has destroyed everything in its path. Likewise, we cannot ignore hate. There are a lot of sparks in this world, and if we don't do something they will prevail.

Love is the only answer. 

That sounds beautiful, doesn't it? Well, it's not always. Love is hard. Hate is the easy way out. Love doesn't always look pretty - sometimes love is dressed in work pants and drenched with sweat. Sometimes love is standing in the line of fire, getting bullied and hurt so others don't have to stand alone. Sometimes love is a sleepless night to help a friend. Always, love is a broken heart from the hurts of this world. Love is caring, when you don't always know the words to say, or even how to help, and it hurts. But it's the only thing that will put out these wildfires of hate. 

Yeah, sometimes it can seem hopeless. 

But that's because we're focusing on the wrong things. We're focusing on the hate that we see - whether it's on the news or in our personal lives. But that's the best way to get burned. There is love in the world; in fact, it's all around us too. And to the onlooker, it is beautiful. So if you haven't, start looking for it. And put on your fire-fighting clothes and start loving with all the dirt, sweat and tears you got!

One last thing.... below are some of my ramblings about how current events can affect us. We listen to news that is exciting, that has a shock value. And sometimes our minds can become trained to look for that shock-value in our everyday life until we make ourselves sick with anxiety and depression. We long for the good old days, when things were better. But maybe they weren't so much better then. Maybe our focus was just different, and we didn't have so many expectations. So it also has a little bit of a challenge in it... To focus on the good, because every thing, every day, every person has some good - and that is beautiful. And also, to let go of your expectations and be fully present in this moment. Because that, darling, is the only way you'll ever be able to find the good and see the beauty of this life. 

love and peace, from a girl who's just a dreamer. 
--


we long for excitement.
/something new.
/something to change our minds.
/something to consume us.
we search for answers
/in places they will never be found.
we place our value in shock.
with nostalgia for the good old days.
we're desperate for beauty.
/weary from these expectations.
because reality always burns us.
and there are no more places to hide.

but what if we have it all wrong, love?
what if the beauty is here, right in front of us?
what if real value is what we make it
and these are the good days?
what if the answers are hidden in plain sight?
and all we need to do to change our minds
is burn these expectations
and consume ourselves with reality?

Pretend to Be Good

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wolves in sheep's clothing.
whited sepulchers filled with dead men's bones.
these were the people He did not tolerate.
the people that point fingers
and pretend to be good.
it was the sinners He called.
it was the sinners He chose.
and now we have been warned.
because your reputation preceded you,
but we chose not to believe it.
and now the mask is off
your true colors are showing.
and we shouldn't be shocked
but somehow we are.

Monday, August 7, 2017

Fading into Tomorrow

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these memories haunt my dreams
these moments eclipse my thoughts
overpowering and overwhelming
yet so vague and still unformed
like a vapor they avoid collision
like a haze in my mind lingering in time
i take this breath and i savor its feeling
i cannot depend on its unsteady promise
this is my moment and its fading into tomorrow
these dreams are demanding my presence
when i have no more time to borrow
the clock on the wall taunts me with his hands
and these lungs don't want to expand any more
because the fog in my mind is stronger than confusion
and i realize that accomplishments no longer matter
so for this moment i cling to His promise
that life is love and everything that's in it.

Saving Words

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these words float past me like a dream
i stop and reach for them in this moment
and a few i catch and a few i keep
saving them in this jar for a rainy day
and when the lights are off at night
they light up my room with an effervescent glow.

Saturday, August 5, 2017

Sunlight in the Mornings

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i felt the rain against my back
tasted the darkness as it engulfed me
sensed the pressure of the rising current
the oscillation of the recent thunder
the pain of the clouds above me
but through it all, i felt Your hand.
Your gentle, guiding touch.
and Your peace that i cannot understand.
and as the daylight dances around me
i cannot breathe for awe and wonder
because i see them there -
my enemies behind me -
and the bridges You burned,
i see it was for my good.
and through the pain,
i see the blessing.
and i thank You
for sunlight in the mornings.

Thursday, July 6, 2017

All That's Left

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this moment is slipping
out of my hands, love
and i'm trying to stop it
trying to glue it in place
with my tears, sweat and blood
but i feel it, like a rope
tossed out as a lifeline
and with each strand,
leaves a little bit of hope
leaves a little bit of love
until these dreams lie lifeless
at my feet and all that's left
are these cascading tears
and a lonely catch in my breath.