Wednesday, March 27, 2019

The Day I Realized

[via]

there was an essence,
a silently understood facade
and i believed it all my life
growing up, i never doubted
but now i've learned
to look in the shadows -
and when i did,
the walls came down.
the false hopes,
and painted memories,
they all came crumbling down.
and when i looked in the shadows,
i realized that you were never really there
and you can't fool me any longer
with your artificially sweetened misnomers
and the subtle way that you destroy me
all while pretending that you care.
oh, but my darling,
God gave me a gift,
He showed me what true love looks like
and in His gracious kindness to me,
the scraps of artificial love
that i used to cling to,
have fallen off and set me free
but, my love,
i'll never forget the day i realized
that you never actually cared.

Tuesday, March 12, 2019

Blank

[via]

this vision is blank
like the page before me -
blank and devoid of meaning.
i swallowed a star
and the moon forgot me -
shrouded in her black cloak of rain.
these dreams destroyed me
they fell like the rain -
inside my soul.
and i couldn't breathe
at the thought of you -
the bittersweet memory of you.

Tuesday, January 22, 2019

The Spinning World

[via]

the world continues, recklessly spinning
while i sit here lost in time,
lost in the photos of my mind,
of times gone by,
and dreams of mine.
and i see your face
etched in my heart,
with that smile on your lips
and that song in your heart,
and the beautiful dancing
of your eyes.
and i'm trying to breathe,
and i'm trying not to cry.
but time doesn't care
about the pain in my heart,
or the thoughts on my lips.
and it keeps marching, silently on.
as the world spins on its reckless track.
as the world spins on its reckless track.

Sunday, January 20, 2019

Guide Me

[via]

the moon looked down, silently on me,
as she tried to hide her shining face.
the stars were still, their sparkling still
as the cold air singed my lungs.
and all i could hear was the sound of the snow
and the cry in my head -
Lord, please guide me home.
by the light of the moon,
or the sparkling stars,
show me a way to heal my heart.
take what is Yours and
guide me to the place
where Your will is for me.

Saturday, January 19, 2019

Love Is


what is love?
Jesus loves me;
this i know.
i know it because the Bible says that
love is patient and
love is kind;
(and Jesus is patient and kind to me.)
love bears all things
love believes all things,
love does not seek her own will.
just as Jesus does not force anyone to follow Him.
Jesus, friend of sinners, they say.
Jesus, who ate with the publicans and tax collectors.
the ones who the righteous wouldn't look at -
the ones who the righteous were better than.

and you say you love me, darling,
but you often think you're better than me.
and i know that your will
is your favorite thing to talk about.
this new kind of love doesn't have
much patience or kindness.
and i don't think i ever heard Jesus say,
     i love you, so i'll only talk about
     the things i think you're doing right.

Lord, help me to love the way you love.
let others say of me, that i'm
     a friend of sinners. 
that i'm not too good to talk to anyone.
or to listen to their story.
that i don't force my agenda on
     any other person.
take the stones from my hand,
for only You see what's inside;
help me not to judge another's heart,
     based on my perception alone.

because without love, i am nothing.
1 cor 13

Saturday, January 5, 2019

Rolled Up Sleeves

[via]

the sky was a mess of beautiful clouds
reminding me of our life
while the sun peeked through the cracks
and fashioned colors made from fantasies.
i was running towards my goals,
and chasing down effervescent dreams,
when i looked over and saw you.
we were running the same race
without any knowledge
but that look in your eye
stuck in my mind.
and as i pondered all these things,
life became messy
like the leaves of time falling
and concealing our hopes and dreams.
but i'll never forget the smile you gave
as you rolled up your sleeves and got to work
because life is often messy,
but none of that matters
when you're with someone
     that has rolled up sleeves
and warmth and forgiveness in their eyes.

Tuesday, December 11, 2018

For Pain at My Sight

[via]

the world was silent
moving frame by frame
as my hand reached up to feel the dagger
the blade stabbing through my heart
i felt my mouth move but no sound came out
i felt my mind spinning in dizzying circles
as i tried to comprehend this pain.
it clang to my heart and weighed me down
my wings lost in aimless motion.
while lonely streams found their way down my cheeks.
i loved you more than anything
i gave you my heart without reservation
and i lost track of the times that you dropped it
or the number of scars you left on its surface
and as i longed for a glimpse of the moon,
even she abandoned me for pain at my sight.
even she abandoned me for pain at my sight.

Tuesday, November 6, 2018

Found Her Voice Again

[via]

the sun didn't forget to shine
as the rain tried to wash away her pain
falling in a rhythm with her tears
and as she pondered it all
she found a beauty in the rain
she found a meaning to her pain
and as the rain kissed her face,
she realized how to use her voice
again.

Undeservingly Protected

[via]

i felt the ground beneath my feet
as it began to crumble.
fear made the sky turn black
and the torrent of a thousand memories
flooded my soul in a jumble.
i grasped for air
for a semblance of life
as it used to be.
but all i found was pain,
sadness, and a lonely ache.
but as the world gave way
and even the air abandoned me,
i found that i didn't fall
because Your arms were there 
to catch me. 
and as You breathed Your Grace
on me,
i could breathe again,
i could sing again,
i could love again.
and as the fear and pain
melted away,
all i felt was safe,
and loved,
and undeservingly protected. 

Sunday, November 4, 2018

The Bystander

{St. Petersburg, Russia}
{Helsinki, Finland}
{Mumbai, India}

the world was at her feet
as she ran in the wind
and chased the flurries
of her feelings and dreams.
a moment of time
a cascade of memories
and to the world she was blind.

as a bystander,
she observed their faces
stoic and set -
like the weather outside.
as a bystander,
she listened to their language,
stout and strong -
like they were.
as a bystander,
she felt their poverty,
with her heart and soul.
as a bystander,
she slipped on their shoes,
and walked a mile or two.

and after it all,
when she returned home,
they said she was a world traveler.
but she only felt the poverty
of her own experience.
and she kept their faces,
and language, and shoes,
saved in her mind for another time.
saved in her mind for another time.