More than I Imagined

5 months ago today...
We had no idea that as we left church,
It would be the last time in this life,
That we would see our little cousin...
Had no idea the nightmare
We were a phone call away from entering.
We could have never imagined how much pain and tears
Our next few days would hold.
Or that we could ever survive such
Immense and immeasurable loss and grief.

Today,
Sweet Brooklyn is celebrating her 10th birthday;
At the feet of Jesus,
Singing with the angels.
And from our eyes, the tears still fall...

Yet...
Through it all,
God has never left our sides.
True, 5 months ago,
I could have never imagined enduring so much heart break.
But, I also could have never imagined how great our God is.
Through the pain and the darkness,
God has shown us so much more of Himself
Than we ever could have experienced otherwise.
He is truly good,
All the time.
And it's only when we can no longer bear this burden alone,
That we truly begin to experience,
The unending greatness, love, and mercy of our Heavenly Father.

I. O. U. Everything

I stand in awe of You.
That Your love would reach a wretch like me.
Oh Father, Your mercy astounds me.
My cup overflows.
My gratitude overwhelms me.
That Your Grace would cover me.
That Your plan would include me.
Oh that I would be a more worthy recipient of this everlasting gift.
Lord, mold me and use me.
Broken and spotted as I am,
Yet I have no doubt of Your healing power.
Take captive my heart
And let it ne'er depart from Thee.
My beautiful Savior.
My Lord and My King.

I owe all to You.

What Happened to Us, Love?

What happened to us, Love?
Was it my fault or yours?
We made such a good team, you know.
We could have lasted forever.
We would have made a beautiful old couple.
You pulling me out and making me more convivial.
Me softening you and making you more contemplative.
You forever the life of the party,
Me forever the dreamer.
We were beautiful, Love.
So what went wrong?

----
These last few posts have been really fun to write. I thought I would do something a little different than the ordinary for valentine's day. Isn't it fascinating to think about lost love? What could have been? These are filled with some wistful nostalgia, which is a beautiful emotion to me.

I Wish I Knew

I thought I saw it in your eyes -

The way they danced at me.

The things you said to me.

How you made me feel. 

You could make me laugh on my worst days, Love.

You made me feel like I was actually worth something.

Did you do it on purpose, Love? 

Did you want me to fall for you? 

Were you leading me on,

Or waiting to catch me? 

I wish I knew, Love....

Everyday I wish that I knew.

You'll Never Know

There's so much I want to tell you.

There's so much I wish I had told you.

I think I'm over you, 

and then I'm not. 

I wish I wouldn't have shut you off. 

I wish I could have been brave. 

Brave enough to tell you how I really felt.

Instead of running. 

Instead of shutting you out. 

I wish you could see

how regret haunts me now...

how it overflows my eyes. 

But you'll never know.

You'll never know that I loved you.

You'll never know how sweet and kind 

I think you are. 

How much you changed my life. 

You'll never know. 

Because I wasn't brave enough to tell you,

And you're too far away now.

I Don't Want to Say Hello.

hello february...
welcome february...
words that have echoed across my computer screen today,
yet i can't quite seem to agree with them.
i've never minded this month before,
but the main thing i've always associated it with,
is the birthday month of brooklyn and aunt dorothy...
they are both celebrating with Jesus this year.
and while i'm rejoicing for them,
i can't help but feel a little missing.
so maybe i won't say welcome february,
but whisper thank you Jesus - for Your never ending love and grace.
<3