Saturday, April 29, 2017


beyond the mountains 
we spied a tempest 
rising from the deep unknown
and i ran to the horizon
i prayed for rain to come
rain to wash me
rain to change me
but the clouds held their lightning
the rain forgot to fall
and for a moment the darkness lingered 
more than i could bear
and as i struggled with the waiting
a single drop fell on my lips
i tasted the beauty that was coming
and i prayed again
for rain to come

i am sick of waiting 
to make these changes. 


i'm slowly learning this virtue
you move so carefully
and i feel like i'm waiting here forever
while you uncover your beating heart
and some days it's all i can do
to just breathe
and hope for you

but you need patience with me too
because i'm changing
on the inside
i'll always be the same
but i'm still chipping away
this residue of rust
so just have patience in this process
and give me a little of your trust

what's meant to be
and what will be
are the same eventually

Sunday, April 23, 2017

What Does It Mean?


these thoughts are elusive
they pass me by like stardust in the night
dreams that never quite form
sounds that are never fully spoken
i feel these emotions
vague and unpredictable
and i'm never aware of them.
i write these words
but they have no meaning at all.
or do they, somewhere to someone?
tell me your thoughts, darling
so i can misunderstand them.
share your secrets and i'll tell the world.
and you laugh because it's silly
but maybe it's not a joke at all, love.

maybe these empty expressions
are just to fill the void of space
and overcrowd my blank mind.



a bill of divorcement is coming, love
i am demanding my copy
but in my mind
we were never married
because how can you be
when your lover doesn't love you?

don't tell me that i haven't given this a shot
i gave it my all
i showed up to every date
and i was always on time, love
but you were always late
and you never even glanced at me as you ate.

and now you expect me to stay,
and you'll judge me when i leave
because i've seen you do it to your exes
but how can i stay with this silence
and how can i love you
when you don't even see me?

Expected Too Much


i wanted more than you could give
i expected too much from you
like a pregnancy test gone wrong
my expectations turned to nothing
and as the dreams that i dreamed
faded into the night
forgotten again
i realized that you were never capable
of the things that i wanted.

Friday, April 21, 2017

Unlocked & Open


you're acing this quiz, babe
and it kind of scares me
because for a moment i thought
my thoughts were written on a poster
and no longer hidden from the world
but then i realized
it's just you that can read me
your eyes can see these secret thoughts
because we have a connection
and i am no longer scared
because if there's anyone who will love me
despite the cobwebs in my mind
it is you, love.

and so i leave the door unlocked and open.

Thursday, April 20, 2017

Change is Coming


change is coming
there's a storm on the horizon, love
but i see beyond it
a beautiful new dawn
an age of love and glory
an age without fear or worry
and so we brace for the battle
and i cry for a moment
for the things that i will lose.

it will all be worth it in the end, love. 

Your Judgment


your judgment made me feel small
the unspoken words that hid in your eyes
and spilled over into your expression
i don't understand you, dear
and some days it feels that we speak foreign languages
you're kind to everyone
except me
and i don't understand
where this tension is coming from
but you've hurt me, love
you've hurt me in a million little ways.

and i thought we could be friends. 

Wednesday, April 19, 2017

You Led Me


You've led me here
bringing me from darkness into light
the world has opened up to me
with Your flawless touch
and i thank You, Lord
for letting me see the beauty
of each moment
for guiding me to Your perfect love
that casts out all fear and judgment
that colors over the prejudice
of black and white
in beautiful, breathtaking hues.

Immortal Wound


in my mind, you were still that sweet, innocent girl
i loved you, dear
more than my own soul
and my heart felt your hurts
i made your pain my own
because i cared
and i thought that if i showed you my heart
we would be closer
i thought i would take a chance
and trust you
even though you've never trusted me
(that should have been my warning)
now my heart is shattered
and even though the secrets i shared with you
were temporary and now do not exist
the scars that you've carved into my heart
will last for eternity
and i've never felt this much pain.

lost love may hurt for a moment,
but the knife of your own flesh and blood
will leave an immortal and fatal wound.



these motions are tedious
their repetition has made me numb
i don't know how to feel
i forget how to think
and all i know is
the way these meanings blur together
the way these meanings fade out.

Monday, April 17, 2017



this moment is abrupt
it is harsh and unrelenting
awareness of this desire
hope that makes you sick
when daydreams give way to nightmares
and truth turns into lies
what were we waiting for?
our pain to face us?
reality to burn us?
how will we ever get over this, love?

My Mistake


i've been confused
driving myself crazy
but looking back, i see it all now
i see how i messed this up
it was my fault all along
it was my knife that did the cutting
not yours, love.
i am tarnished and bruised
and too timid to even look at you
for fear that your eyes will be filled
with hate that i feel towards myself
(i can bear my own hate
but i couldn't bear yours, love.)
i would give anything to take back time
i would do anything to make this right
but all i can do is whisper
i'm so sorry
and hope that you will hear me.

Saturday, April 15, 2017

Disappearing Dream


you were like a dream
appearing to me in the starlight
and when the day broke
you disappeared from sight.

and those moments we shared
i can now barely recall
the way you grinned at me
the way your eyes told it all.

maybe we weren't built to last
but it feels like we never even started
and the pain was too much to bear
so on our separate paths, we parted.

now you'll never know, love,
how the rain washes these tears away
or how all i wish for
is that you would have stayed.

Friday, April 14, 2017

Your Knife

you look so brave wielding that knife, love,
i was impressed
(as i always am)
until you sliced my heart in two,
removing yourself in the process.
(did you do it on purpose, love?)
i don't think you did
because i saw the look in your eyes
(i gave you that look too -
did it scare you, love?)
your look terrified my heart, love
it beat against its cage
pounding and fluttering
in all the worst ways
in all the best ways
and now my soul is wounded.
and the only balm that will help it is
your kiss. 

Tuesday, April 11, 2017

Alternate Realities


you put on a front to the world, love,
making them think you are sweet and kind.
pretending to be perfectly flawless.
but you didn't realize that your mask was cracked
and that i can see right through it -
catching glimpses of who you really are.

did you think you could hide it?
did you think that if you played the gentleman,
it would make you one?
did you think that saying pretty things
would make your heart beautiful?
or that you could ever fake perfection?

your mask is painsteaking,
and i can't lie that i'm impressed
by the details you've managed to weave
into its intricate design glued on by hate.
but, try as you might, you haven't fooled me, love,
because i see right through the cracks in your mask.

you're living in two alternate realities, love,
but only one of them is real.

Monday, April 10, 2017

He Has Her Fooled


he has her fooled
putting on a mask of kindness
playing the part of the gentleman
and he laughs as he pours on the sugar
because he can see in her eyes 
that he has her fooled.

he has her fooled
pretending to flirt, pretending to care
rolling the dice with her heart -
he thinks it is fragile and naive
so he laughs as he plays the twisted game
that he has her fooled.

he has her fooled
but not for much longer
he's getting sloppy
the mask is crumbling from his perfect face
and he won't be laughing for much longer
that he has her fooled.

Friday, April 7, 2017

Too Much Thinking


he wants to tell her he loves her
he wants to tell her he cares
but he remains silent thinking he's brave
he doesn't want to hurt her
he thinks she needs someone better
so he walks away without the risk.

she wants to tell him she loves him
she wants to tell him she cares
but the words are stuck in her throat
she wants him more than life
she fell in love with his flaws
but her heart is breaking from his silence.



he's breaking her heart with his silence
with words he isn't brave enough to whisper
questions that won't form on his lips
and she sees it all in his eyes
because he can't make them lie
but she won't trust her instincts
she won't let herself believe that he cares
and so she doesn't trust herself to speak
she holds a thousand thoughts in silence
all she wants is silence, all she needs are his words
and he won't win the trust she's already given him
because he's breaking her heart with his silence.

Screenshots in My Mind


my heart is full
overflowing with love
spilling over with memories
of moments gone by
snapshots of perfection
screenshots in my mind.

would you take my hand
and hold it in yours, love?
would you kiss me
with more than your eyes?
would you stand by me forever
even if it's in silence?

because i'm dying here
a slow painful death
i'm so wasted from these dreams
so high from these memories
your smile and your eyes
and your beautiful beautiful words.

Thursday, April 6, 2017

Your Kiss


my soul is exposed.
it is naked and bare
and everything is there
for you to see.

my heart is pumping
beating and pounding
against this crude cage
of flesh and bones.

there are stars in your eyes
and scars from the past
as they slow dance with mine
and wrap me in love.

you cover my naked soul
wrapping it in passion and warmth
and to set my heart free
your kiss is all that i need.



i can't help these feelings
i can't stop these desires
you looked at me and i was in chains
my heart struggled to beat in her cage
your touch was tender
and your words like honey
setting this trap for me like an expert
you're just my type, love
everything about you is flawless
but i'm losing my patience
waiting for you to make a move
before my heart bleeds to death.

the gates to destruction are made of lust.

You Deserve Hell


i can't breathe
you're suffocating me
gradually sucking the life from my soul
you took my daydreams
and gave me nightmares
you stole my peace and left in its place fear
your words were sharper than a knife
as they cut my heart in two
and then you left me
cold, to suffocate in your silence
how can you be so dark
and yet i still would give anything
for your kiss or the simple touch of your hand
love, i would make myself an angel for you
     even though you deserve hell. 

Wednesday, April 5, 2017

Never Enough


i try so hard to reach your standards
i strive for perfection to impress you
but it's never enough
and you never notice
if you knew that your pressure
makes me cry at night
and keeps me up with nightmares
if you knew that i can't breathe
from the pain of your words that haunt me
would it soften your cold heart?
or would you just crack the whip harder?
and laugh at my bleeding heart?

Tuesday, April 4, 2017

You Looked at Me


i reached out to touch the stars in your eyes
i dove in and swam in their depths
and even when your lips said nothing
i was overwhelmed by the words in your eyes.

you looked at me with fire in your eyes
you gave me everything i needed
and in that moment i felt myself fall
as you set yourself on fire to give me love.

Monday, April 3, 2017

Filled with Stars


your eyes are filled with stars, love.
a thousand unspoken promises
to give me the moon and all her charms.
as the world spins recklessly on;
oblivious to our moment of connection.

your eyes are deeper than the universe, love.
filled with silent questions
as they take me in and memorize my form.
and if the others would look now,
they would be blinded by these sparks.

your eyes are slow dancing with mine, love.
and that smile is making me a little drunk
and maybe a little too high.
you're the only one i am aware of
as time itself slows for our moment.

we have a secret, darling.
this love is stronger than the tide.
deeper than our differences.
more powerful than their judgment.

we were born in different worlds, love,
but the stars aligned when our worlds collided,
and so i whisper to you:
i'm willing to give this a shot, if you are.

Sunday, April 2, 2017



like a shot of drugs
i feel these emotions
speed through my veins
warm and cold
somewhere between painful and numb
(but it's the best kind of painful, love)
and i can't tell you what the day is
i can't even feel time passing
because all i am aware of
is you
and you, love,
are the only one i can see.
and as the world fades out
i feel your hand on mine
and i hear you whisper to me.
i've never been this high, love.
just catch me when i fall.

ps- i have never done drugs, and i do not recommend them... it's just interesting to think how love can be similar to it.

Saturday, April 1, 2017

A Little Too High


i could survive for weeks
on just your smile
and months on just your laugh
love, i swear,
your silly side is my favorite side
and it makes me turn all mushy
like my heart will melt
through its cage.
and when your eyes hold mine
and the gates to your soul are open -
i can't look away for the life of me
and my brain forgets that i need to breathe.
because all i can see is the softness of your glance
and all i can feel is the warmth of your laugh
and all i want
all i want, love,
is the touch of your hand on mine
and that sweet grin
that makes me a little too high.