Oh, Sugar

 

[via]

you were so beautiful
in that summer sun

with the rose colored glasses

of young love.

so tempting and alluring

promising a future

of happiness that never ends

no loneliness or sadness

only happiness and bliss. 

i thought it would be forever

that we'd never have to part. 

but when i woke up 

i found out it wasn't true. 

instead of beauty, you gave me ashes

instead of love, you brought abuse

and embarrassment, 

self-hatred, 

regret and agony. 

when i decided to be honest 

with myself

about the broken promises

i found the pain 

that had been swept

under the rug. 

i found the lies 

you tried to hide. 

instead of sadness, i'm choosing anger. 

instead of being a victim, 

i'm the overcomer. 

and there won't be any more

of you in my life. 

because i'm choosing me. 

and i'm choosing truth. 

Day dream

[via]

how can a blink change a life? 

a simple moment in time 

a nod of the head 

a crinkle in the eye 

a laugh that wakes the soul 

and i don't know where my feet are 

the footing that was once so sure 

has given way 

to deep swirling colors and changes 

that can't be explained 

i reach for the moment 

i pray that God will stop time 

if only we could stay 

if only things wouldn't change 

but time marches on 

and continues to change our lives 

with another blink 

and the fleeting memory is gone 

so i shut my eyes 

and hold my breath 

willing the moment to stay 

even if just for the evening 

even if just for this day dream

Waking up in color

[via]

Last night I went to sleep 

with dreams in black and white. 

the rain was pouring down the panes 

bleeding through the pages 

of this chapter called my life 

i couldn't find the ending 

of this nightmare in my sleep.

pain turned into numbness 

hurt into haunting 

and here we are standing 

in the morning sunshine 

with the dew on the roses 

and the colors shining bright 

i feel like singing or maybe crying.

these feelings that i thought were lost 

came swirling in again 

vibrance and desire 

a confusing cyclone of emotion 

i just want to breathe and live and cry 

but here we are in the late summer sunshine 

it's good to be alive.

The Seasons of Life

[via]

i thought of you the other day, love,
and realized we never said goodbye. 
but it's too late now,
with lifetimes between our paths.
still, i whispered it to the trees;
i told them to thank you for the way 
you changed me and made me who 
i am today. 
i know you won't hear it though - 
even if i shouted it 
because there are too many miles between us
a lifetime of changes and hurts and dangers. 
that's the way life is,
sometimes it changes even when we don't want it. 
people are here for a season,
we trust them and laugh and cry together. 
then they leave us
or change like the leaves. 
sometimes we get closure and our goodbyes. 
but sometimes we don't. 

every season has it's reason.

Effortlessly

[via]

i watched the sun 
as she rose and set

effortlessly shining

in the crystal sky. 

the birds were singing, 

snow melting

as the heartbeat of the world

continued steadily. 

how can our life be such as struggle

sometimes...

how do we make things so 

complicated? 

if only i could be 

like the sun or birds

so effortlessly doing

what i was created to. 

Holding On

[via]

the leaves were trembling, barely hanging on. 
their bright colors the same as my heart
the air was cold and biting 
as i wondered how its beauty faded.
lost in the pain of the moment. 

my hands were shaking, trembling with pain

as the autumn rain tried to cleanse this day

i traced the etches of the flood down the window pane

and watched my breath disappear in the air

drowning in the memories and dreams.

my heart beat on despite the pain

even after i thought my tears 

would wash it all away. 

when you fake a smile but your heart is breaking

just like the colorful leaves before they fall. 

and like the leaves being tossed about

and pulled from every direction, 

i made a wish that You would find

beauty amidst my ashes. 

beauty amidst my ashes. 

"Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words." Romans 8:26

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalms 34:18

Promises, Promises

the windows shuddered, like my soul
at the angry, beating wind.
the world was drowning in the torrent
of the tears of God falling on us.
the rain was beating on the roof,
thunder echoing through my soul.
as the trees swayed down under the burden.
i watched the water etch paths in the glass,
and listened to the complaining thunder,
as the sun hid in dismay
and all the grass drown under
the never ending flood.
then all at once, the tempest was over
and the world gasped a sigh of relief
as God renewed His promises.
as God renewed His promises.

I Woke from the Nightmare

[via]

i woke from the nightmare
the rain was filled with my fear
and the storm had overtaken me
i always loved the rain before.
i always loved the storms.
but these were heavy storms,
and too much for me to carry.
and as i let the rain wash over me,
too numb to lift my face,
a silent cry stifled in my soul
to rescue me from this fate.

i woke from the nightmare
to feel the sun smiling again
and the leaves whispering their praises
the light was brighter than before.
the trees even happier.
and i saw everyone who loved me,
standing right there beside me.
because silent prayers were heard,
and God provided before i needed.

i woke from the nightmare
to everyone that i care about.
to all my needs provided.
to all my fears subsided.
and love racing in the breeze.
and a better life than i had dreamed,
gifted to me from heaven.

i woke from the nightmare. 

Short Breath

[via]

i caught a glimpse of the tangerine sunshine
peeking shyly through the clouds
the clouds that shrouded the city lying scared below
in a dreary winter haze.
shades of coral, turquoise and amber
hidden from the ground beneath
as the earth shivered from the caress.
we woke up today
to thoughts unknown
to experiences unheard
to feelings unfelt.
the world changed in a moment
and we took it for granted.
and as i pondered these inklings
with the winter shroud above
my fingers twirling a delicate flower
reminded of the short breath
that is called this life.

New Adventures

So I mostly post poetry-type stuff (if you can call it that lol) on here... Occasionally, however, I do post a glimpse into more than just my thoughts/feelings and share what is happening in my life. I feel like it's been awhile since I did that - partly because life was busy and I was only blogging sporadically. However, I have a little more time currently so I'm trying to get back into it a little.

I think the last time I posted a personal update was when I became a dietitian (What's Going On) and then when my cousin died (In Memory of Brookie). Both of those happened almost 5 years ago (seriously?!) and a lot has happened since then! :)

God is always so, so good. I can't emphasize that enough. I am so grateful for His leading in my life, and for all the good, wonderful things He has provided. Time and time again I am reminded that He always provides. In the end, there truly is nothing to fear or worry about, because He always provides for every single need we have.

So for the past 5 years, I've been working as a dietitian - I started out with my dream job as a retail dietitian which was such a great experience and I loved the creativity that I could have. My coworkers were amazing - like a huge, supportive family. Which was the perfect place that God wanted me to be as He led me to leave the community that I grew up in and follow Him more closely. I grew up in a conservative church and there were a lot of good things that I learned and experienced, but as I grew in my walk with God, I felt His leading to find a different church. This was one of the hardest things I ever did - stepping completely outside of anything I had ever known and learning basically an entire new way of living.

[a few Hy-Vee coworkers that came to my wedding]

[over 2.5 years working at Hy-Vee]

After that, God started leading me in a new direction in my career. I took a job as a clinical dietitian at a hospital, and moved across the state to a place where I had never met anyone. It was such a growing experience - and again my coworkers have been phenomenal and a huge support to me. Besides changing directions in my career, I felt God leading me to change careers completely. I love my job as a dietitian. I absolutely love it. And after a year at my current place, they promoted me to lead dietitian which has been another amazing, humbling, growing experience. However, I still feel God leading me out of my comfort zone as a dietitian and making a huge leap of faith by going back to school. (hopefully more details on that in the future ;) )

[friends and moving crew]

[the awesome dietitians I get to work with everyday now]

During all of this, I also started dating... After a couple months of dating, my (now husband) had his work visa renewal rejected which started a 2-year-long LONG distance (8,000 miles) relationship. Despite the struggles, God blessed us with being able to travel to 5 countries together; which I highly recommend if you ever have the chance - as traveling truly is a growing experience as you find out that the whole world does not necessarily fit into your neat little box ;) We got married in September and I am now living in India for a few months with my darling husband as we wait on a spouse visa.

a few wedding photos: 

[my family]

[my sweetheart]

[my besties]

[the ring + henna]

[guestbook]

[the best mother in the world]

[my mom MADE all the decorations - she is the BOMB]

[our adorable flower girl]

[wedding party]

A few photos from India :) 

[the view from our flat's gallery]

[our first guests at our home - a fellow "masala sister" which is what I learned that foreigners married to Indians are called lol]

[nothing like stopping your car on the roadside to get a fresh coconut]

Goodness, I think I am getting old.... but life is an amazing adventure and I absolutely cannot wait to see where God takes us next :)