At first, I felt like I took it all with peaceful faith.
It wasn't fake - I accepted it.
I took the pain in stride,
Knowing that although we don't always understand,
He can use all things for His glory and for good.
But in the last couple months,
I began to realize that I wasn't anymore.
I would worry that someone in my family would be in an accident.
I would fear other cars as I drove along the freeway.
I was so afraid that I would have to relive the nightmare again.
And I would relive it. I would wake up sobbing.
Seeing or hearing an ambulance would bring a depressing cloud.
I wrestled with God.
I begged Him for peace and to take away my doubt.
I felt like I could no longer trust God to protect me.
The foundation of my faith has always been that I should not fear
Because if God still has a purpose for me, He will protect me,
But if He calls me home, that's even better.
This was a new struggle that I never thought I'd experience.
Last week, we had revivals.
And one night as I did my devotions before bed,
A still, small voice whispered in my head.
Peace and joy rushed through me,
As the victory was won.
Jesus has never felt more real to me than He did that night.
As I surrendered myself anew at His precious feet.
The battle is real. Never doubt it.
But, my friends, if you keep on fighting,
Even when it seems like you aren't making any progress.
You will find that the more intense the conflict, the sweeter the victory!
God made us like gold, in that way -
The hotter the fire, the more purified the gold.
Yet we are more precious than all the gold in creation!!
If you are going through a struggle, keep reaching out to Him.
He will never forsake you.
I have been young, and now am old;
Yet have I not seen the righteous forsaken,
Nor his seed begging bread.
Psalms 37:25 (KJV)