Tuesday, May 10, 2016

My Hoosier Heart (& God's Mercy Towards It)

Next week I'm planning on switching my license to Iowa...
Something I've been putting off...
And although it may seem insignificant,
Brings dampness to my eyes.
Tears that signify a heart that is still softening
To God's will for my life.
Tears that represent the struggle to accept this new place.
I never wanted to move away from home.
I was always a "proud Hoosier."
And although I may eventually move back,
For the here and now, I'm coming to accept that this is my home.
As I take care of my grandmother,
And grow in ways that I never imagined in my new job,
And try to find a place in a new and different church community.

In many ways, moving away from home
Has strengthened my walk with God.
Because I can't do this on my own,
And I'm desperately aware of my need for Him.
Sure, I kind of moved away for college,
But this is totally and completely different...
Instead of visiting every weekend,
     It's every 6 months.
Instead of knowing it's only temporary,
     This doesn't have a set expiration date.
Instead of having family gatherings regularly,
     I spend "family night" completely alone.
Instead of being able to call up my dad to help me fix something,
     I have to figure it out myself or (more often) wait until the next time he visits.

And slowly, I've been learning that
God's ways are always higher than mine,
The girl who never wanted a Master's degree,
Was matched to an internship where it was required.
The girl who never wanted to live in Iowa,
Now calls it her home (though sometimes still grudgingly).
The girl who considers herself an extreme introvert,
Works in a position that requires her to be very extroverted.
And so the paradoxes continue.
And I think they always will when you're in God's will.
Just like Moses, the stutterer, who God called to lead His people.
Or David, the poet, who God shaped into a mighty warrior.
God will take your weaknesses and turn them into His strengths.

And so, even if I will always cherish the song,
"Back home again in Indiana"
I'll stick it out here in Iowa for however long
God calls me to be here - and glory in His strength,
Which is the only reason I've made it this far.